Trump Says ‘Aggressive’ Montenegro Could Start World War III


TRUMP’S BEHAVIOR HAS BEEN
INEXPLICABLE. AND ONE OF THE HARDEST MOMENTS
TO “EXPLICK” WAS WHEN HE SAT DOWN FOR AN INTERVIEW WITH FOX
NEWS HOST AND BOY WATCHING A VIDEO ON HOW BABIES ARE BORN,
— ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) — TUCKER CARLSON. ( LAUGHTER )
THE TWO WERE TALKING ABOUT TRUMP’S ISSUES WITH NATO AND
SEEMED FOCUSED ON ONE COUNTRY, IN PARTICULAR.>>MEMBERSHIP IN NATO OBLIGATES
THE MEMBERS TO DEFEND ANY OTHER MEMBER THAT’S ATTACKED SO LET’S
SAY MONTENEGRO– IT’S JOINED LAST YEAR– IS ATTACKED, WHY
SHOULD MY SON GO TO MONTENEGRO TO DEFEND IT FROM ATTACK? WHY IS–
>>I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU’RE SAYING. I’VE ASKED THE SAME QUESTION. YOU KNOW, MONTENEGRO IS A TINY
COUNTRY WITH VERY STRONG PEOPLE. THEY’RE VERY STRONG PEOPLE,
THEY’RE VERY AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE, THEY MAY GET AGGRESSIVE, AND
CONGRATULATIONS YOU’RE IN WORLD WAR III!>>STEPHEN: THAT WAS A VERY
QUICK ESCALATION. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: WOW.>>Stephen: TRUMP IS LIKE THAT
HEALTH CLASS TEACHER WHO SKIPS OVER A LITTLE
TOO MUCH. “FIRST YOU GO ON A DATE, THEN
YOU KISS, THEN BING BANG BOOM, HOOKERS ARE PEEING ON YOUR BED.” ( LAUGHTER )
DON’T DO IT, KIDS. WOMEN ARE POISON, EVERY LAST ONE
OF ‘EM. ( LAUGHTER )
AND TRUMP’S GOT SOME HUEVOS TO CALL MONTENEGRO AGGRESSIVE. LOOK AT HOW TRUMP TREATED THEIR
PRIME MINISTER, DUSKO MARKOVIC, AT THE NATO SUMMIT LAST YEAR. THERE WITH THE WHITE HAIR,
THAT’S MARKOVIC, AAAAND… GET OUTTA MY WAY! “YOUR FIRST NAME MIGHT BE DUSKO,
BUT MY MIDDLE NAME IS DOUCHE BAG.” ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: OH, MAN — ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: PRETTY GOOD. WE ALL HAVE A FEW MONTANEGROS IN
THE AUDIENCE. BUT MAYBE WE SHOULD DEFEND
MONTENEGRO BECAUSE THEY ARE CURRENTLY DEFENDING US. AS OUR NATO ALLIES, THEIR
SOLDIERS ARE CURRENTLY FIGHTING ALONGSIDE U.S. SOLDIERS IN
AFGHANISTAN. AND I’M GUESSING THINGS JUST GOT
REAL AWKWARD ON THE BATTLEFIELD. “HEY, SORRY MY PRESIDENT JUST
SAID YOUR COUNTRY’S NOT WORTH DEFENDING. ANYWAY, I’M GOING IN! COVER ME!”
( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF )
BUT WHY IS TRUMP PICKING ON MONTENEGRO ALL OF THE SUDDEN? MAYBE BECAUSE HIS FRIENDS IN
RUSSIA NEVER WANTED MONTENEGRO IN NATO TO BEGIN WITH. BACK IN 2016, “MONTENEGRO
ACCUSED RUSSIAN NATIONALISTS OF BACKING AN ALLEGED COUP ATTEMPT
THAT INCLUDED PLANS TO ASSASSINATE THE NATION’S
PRO-WEST PRIME MINISTER OVER HIS GOVERNMENT’S ATTEMPT TO JOIN
NATO.” THOUGH TO BE FAIR, ASSASSINATING
A PRIME MINISTER IS RUSSIAN FOR “HELLO.” ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP IS GONNA BE SO MAD WHEN HE FINDS OUT WHAT IDIOT APPROVED
MONTENEGRO’S MEMBERSHIP IN NATO LAST YEAR– AND… IT’S TRUMP. ( LAUGHTER )
“I DID WHAT? WHERE’S THAT COFFEE CUP? I DID WHAT? MONTENEGRO? I THOUGHT NATO WAS LETTING IN
MAR-A-LAGO! ( LAUGHTER )
DAMMIT! OH, WELL. KEEP GOING. SOMEBODY GET THE GRENADE
LAUNCHERS BACK FROM THE CADDIES.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT REST ASSURED, WHILE ALL THIS IS GOING ON, THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION IS TACKLING THE SERIOUS QUESTIONS FACING OUR
COUNTRY LIKE, “WHAT IS MILK?” WELL, THEY’RE GONNA FIND OUT
BECAUSE THEY’VE JUST PLEDGED TO CRACK DOWN ON THE USE OF THE
TERM “MILK” FOR NONDAIRY PRODUCTS LIKE SOY AND ALMOND
BEVERAGES. FROM NOW ON, IF IT AIN’T FROM A
MAMMAL, YOU CAN’T CALL IT MILK. IT HAS TO BE SOY JUICE AND
ALMOND SWEAT. EVEN THE MOVIE “MILK” NOW HAS TO
BE CALLED “INSPIRING NON-DAIRY SEAN PENN PRODUCT.” ( LAUGHTER )
F.D.A. COMMISSIONER SCOTT GOTTLIEB EXPLAINED THE MOVE,
SAYING THAT THE AGENCY’S CURRENT STANDARDS FOR MILK REFERENCE
PRODUCTS FROM LACTATING ANIMALS. AND, “AN ALMOND DOESN’T
LACTATE.” ( LAUGHTER )
IT DOES IF YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT.>>Jon: YEAH, YEAH!>>Stephen: THAT MEANS
NOTHING. THAT MEANS NOTHING. THAT HAS NO MEANING. DON’T PARSE THAT JOKE. ( LAUGHTER )
BY THE WAY, THE FIRST PERSON TO SEAMLESSLY WORK THE PHRASE “AN
ALMOND DOESN’T LACTATE” INTO THEIR WEDDING VOWS AND SENDS ME
A VIDEO GETS– I DON’T KNOW– A T-SHIRT. TELL YOU WHAT, WE’LL SEND YOU —
WE’LL SEND YOU THIS T-SHIRT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Jon: LACTOSE TOLERANCE. ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE )>>Stephen: AND I URGE YOU NOT
TO DO IT. ( LAUGHTER )
NOW THIS MAY SEEM SILLY, BUT THERE’S A LOT OF LOBBYING AROUND
THIS ISSUE, AND IF IT HAPPENS, IT WILL BE A MAJOR BOON FOR
DAIRY GROUPS, WHICH HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING AMID DROPPING PRICES
AND GLOBAL OVERSUPPLY. IN FACT, THEY’VE BEEN HAVING
SUCH A ROUGH TIME THAT THEY HAD TO CHANGE THEIR SLOGAN FROM “GOT
MILK?” TO “WE’VE GOT WAY TOO MUCH MILK! PLEASE BUY MORE MILK! IT’S GOOD FOR HAIR MAYBE?”
( LAUGHTER ) WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT. JANELLE MONAE IS HERE. YEAH!