Tips for Handling a Narcissist at Work! | Stephanie Lyn Coaching

hey guys welcome back thanks for joining
me for another video so in this week’s video I wanted to tackle a question that
I get often I often get questions pertaining to narcissus in the workplace
so a lot of videos that I do on narcissism the ones that I do where we
can’t go no contact with someone we either are co-parenting with them or
their family member or we work with them a lot of the tips they intertwine with
each other so what you could really do in one situation you can do in another
so one of the first things that I always say is you can’t take their behavior
personally the reason why I make these videos is not so we can label people but
it’s that we can have a general understanding of just toxic unhealthy
behaviors but really these videos are about managing yourself learning how you
can navigate through the world where we have to come in contact with these types
of people from time to time and the things that you can do to help yourself
not only navigate through that relationship but to help you to not take
on their projection the gaslighting the abuse all of those things so one of the
first things that I always say is you can’t take it personally this isn’t a
personal attack on you and has nothing to do with you so it might seem that way
because a lot of the abuse might be towards you but it has nothing to do
with you and I think for me that was the biggest like aha moment that I had was
when I realized that what this person was doing it wasn’t it wasn’t a personal
attack at me it had nothing to do with me and my character and Who I am
because no one can determine who you are or how you view yourself or how you
value yourself other than yourself so even though we can’t go no contact
with this person one of the things that I always suggest for people to do is
limit your contact so you know limit the verbal interaction as much as you can so
everything is done over email as much as you possibly can and that is a great
tool to have because we want a document document document we want to document
everything that people are saying and just the interaction in terms of
who’s doing what in the workload so this just protects you going forward if you
have a real big issue with this person at work this protects you and this also
allows you to not get emotionally charged by someone so if you’re not at
the place where you don’t take things personally if you’re not at that place
where you’ve created that bubble if you’re not at that place where this
person can’t get a rise out of you and that their behavior and that you know
how to stand up for yourself in a healthy way in a professional way and a
mature adult way then this is your best ticket because this will allow you to
basically become black and white with this person so you’re only you know
answering questions that pertain to the job and the work you’re not taking
anything that they’re saying personally you’re able to kind of dissect and say
okay what are the questions that I really need to answer you’re allowed to
get emotionally charged maybe and vent you know with anyone that will listen to
you and then take a step back and answer the email professionally begin to create
those boundaries over email this also allows you to take credit for what
you’re doing so when you’re only communicating over email or as much as
you possibly can then this will help you to be able to justify what you did at
work versus what someone else did or how someone else was treating you or what
they were saying to you how was the tone of the email things of that sort you
know if you’re you know in the office and you’re walking around and this
person that’s difficult say they come up to you and they say and they want to
talk about this project or they want to talk about something specific with you
you can always say hey can you just email email me about it so I’m really
really busy right now and if that doesn’t work and maybe this
person starting to notice a pattern I would just speak very briefly with them
what I mean by that is again we’re talking just business we’re not getting
emotionally charged we’re not talking about our personal life we’re just
sticking to the facts and then we’re leaving the meeting or the interaction
with this person and remember every interaction you have with anyone that is
narcissistic or toxic are unhealthy this is your opportunity to
just you loving yourself this is your opportunity to practice you starting to
set boundaries and teaching people how you want to be treated and really this
environment is no different than any other environment so if this was a
mother if this was an you know an ex-spouse that your co-parenting with a
family member and uncle a sister it doesn’t really matter because every
narcissist you want to come to that place where you are very professional
with them that there’s no real emotion involved it’s just business
there is no emotion we’re not friends we’re not talking about our lives with
each other we’re getting right down to the point if they interrupt you in a
meeting for example you know this is your opportunity maybe after the meeting
or during it if you feel confident enough to do it where you don’t have any
emotion and you can say it very self lovingly which is there’s no past
progressive tone there’s no anger there’s no negativity it’s just
basically stating that please you know going forward can you please not
interrupt me when I’m in the middle of my sentence I find it very disrespectful
and if you can say that in a very self loving way where there’s no anger and no
emotion involved people don’t really sometimes know how to handle it and even
if they can’t do it as long as you are continuously standing up for yourself
and maybe even pulling that person you know aside after the meeting and having
that conversation as long as you’re not getting as long as you’re not getting
emotionally charged and as long as you’re not with what you’re saying
expecting someone to change and that you’re just doing this to stand up for
yourself you’re golden you’re absolutely golden
because no matter what you say no matter how many boundaries you said or how much
you stick up for yourself you can’t control what this person does and just
because you’re standing up for yourself in a loving way doesn’t mean that
they’re gonna listen and say you know what you’re absolutely right I shouldn’t
interrupt her or I shouldn’t interrupt him they’re probably still gonna do it
but by you doing these things it shows that you have self-respect that you love
yourself and that you’re professional and that you know how to have
confrontation not negative confrontation but you know how to confront someone
is doing something that’s either inappropriate or not okay it’s when you
don’t know how to stand up for yourself that you allow people to constantly walk
all over you and then you’re suppressing those feelings of feeling frustrated and
angry because someone did that to you when you can stand up for yourself in a
healthy way you you know first off let go like I said of any expectation of
someone changing which that’s really freeing and that is really helpful in
any relation should have not even just one with with a narcissist it also helps
you to learn how to manage your emotions and this is such a huge thing to do for
yourself it is so self loving to learn how to not only manage your emotions but
basically not allow anyone to have a control over your state so no one has a
control over how you feel except for you I don’t care if someone cut you off in
the street I don’t care if someone’s rude to you in the store I don’t care if
someone interrupts you in a meeting or whatever the situation is you get to
determine how you feel in every single moment and no one has that ability to
take away your joy and your happiness so you can say all day long well you know
she wronged me or he did this and all of those things and yes those things are
valid they actually did those things and they were wrong and it wasn’t okay that
someone flipped you off or it wasn’t okay that you know someone was being
passive-aggressive but when you allow that to change your state and to change
your mood that is you basically giving your power to someone else it doesn’t
mean that we suppress what we feel and that what someone did to us it basically
means that we feel what we’re feeling okay we’re angry that someone did
something okay we’re upset that you know Suzy interrupted us in a meeting and she
does it all the time and I’ve asked her time and time again to please stop and
she won’t of course that’s gonna build frustration you’re a human being with
feelings and you’re going to feel frustrated or angry or pissed off or
whatever but at some point you have to make decision but do I want to stay in
that space and by you staying in that space it’s allowing that person to have
control for you and for me that was kind of a
game changer I no longer you know allowed anyone to have an effect on my
mood this is that was me taking control of my life taking responsibility for my
happiness now one of the biggest things that I get
from not just people that have to deal with the narcissus in the workplace or
someone that’s difficult but anyone that has to deal with a narcissist so if it’s
a mother if it’s a sister if it’s a co-worker someone that you’re
co-parenting with whatever someone that you can’t avoid they always say well you
know I stood up for myself and then I got backlash or I started for myself and
this person got even angry and now they’re you know giving me so much more
work than they did before and they’re hurting me now more than
they ever did before um there’s a few things and again every situation is
different so now I’m gonna pertain just to the workplace it gets to a certain
point where you have to determine is this job worth having so if your boss is
someone who’s narcissistic and there’s really you can’t really go no contact or
limited contact with this person because you have to work with them very very
closely you have to determine is this job worth having so and that’s probably
not the advice that maybe you guys want to hear but again there are certain
situations where these people are completely unavoidable co-parenting
that’s completely unavoidable especially depending on the age of the child to be
honest even a family member I don’t think that that’s a non-negotiable
excuse-me non-negotiable you don’t have to talk to your mother you don’t have to
talk to your father you can have no relationship with this
person even if you have to see them from time to time and a family function you
can be cordial with someone but not have a relationship with someone a work
environment you don’t have to have that job yeah it’s a great paying job yeah
you’ve been there for years yeah you put in a lot of time and effort into this in
this career that you’re building within this company but no one says that you’re
stuck where you are you get to determine where you go next so sometimes I feel
like we are put in situations that are really tough because number one it gives
us an opportunity to kind of rise to the occasion learn how to stand up for
ourselves learn how to love ourselves and set those boundaries to not fear
confrontation which a lot of people do they fear standing up for them
selves because they don’t have that love within themselves to be able to say to
others hey you can’t treat me this way and if you do this is what happens you
know the boundaries setting boundaries and and following through with your
boundary and setting a consequence that’s really difficult for some people
so sometimes we’re putting these situations to learn how to do that for
ourselves and the other time we’re putting these situations personally I
feel like is because we should no longer be in this job this is your opportunity
you know you’re being pushed and pushed to basically leave and to rise up and to
get a better job and be in a better environment we spend so much time at our
jobs doing these things sometimes even more than we even spend with our own
families and loved ones that you should be happy when you’re at work you should
love what you do you know just like you you know your home environment that
should be a loving environment there’s no other place in the world like your
home and you should feel the most at peace the most comfortable the most
loving within your home and personally in my opinion I feel like you should
feel the same way at your job because it’s what you do every single day all
day long and if you don’t love what you do and if you don’t love where you’re
working that affects you that affects a good part of your life so if you’re
working for someone who’s extremely difficult that plays this game that’s a
narcissistic that you know takes credit for the work that you do that maybe
doesn’t appreciate and value you as an employee you are just like in any
relationship even a romantic one you’re choosing to stay in that environment so
if you want a great job a great environment you want to work with hell
you know great people that light you up inside and you guys motivate each other
and you just love going to work every single day you determine that you
determine if you’re in that environment you determine if you have that job no
one else has that control over you so I hope that this has helped you guys you
know not only understand I didn’t want to make this video and give you all of
these oh you know these are the signs of someone who’s narcissistic in the
workplace and we all know who a narcissist is and even if you don’t just
someone who’s just toxic and unhealthy and someone
that you don’t want to work with someone that’s extremely extremely difficult you
know who that person has all day long you guys message me with all of these
traits of this person so you know that this person is toxic unhealthy maybe
even narcissistic what I wanted to do in this video was to give you some insight
on how to manage yourself in these environments and I hope that I did in
this video if you guys like this video please give it a thumbs up share it with
anyone that you think might benefit from this information thank you guys so much
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