The Tweekly News – Hugh Hefner, Chumbawamba, & Belligerent Jordanians


JASON SKLAR: Today on the
show, Hugh Hefner, Chumbawumba, and belligerent
Jordanians. No, it’s not an episode of I
can’t believe these people are still alive, it’s the “Tweekly
News,” and it starts right after we finish our meal
replacement power smoothies. Hey, welcome to the
“Tweekly News.” RANDY SKLAR: You give us five
minutes, and we’ll take five or your minutes. JASON SKLAR: I’m Jason Sklar. RANDY SKLAR: And I’m
Randy Sklar. JASON SKLAR: And together
we are @Sklarbrothers. And we are here taking time out
from stalking the annoying orange at Comic Con. RANDY SKLAR: Snooki’s
at Comic Con? JASON SKLAR: She is. And she looks great. RANDY SKLAR: She does
look great. JASON SKLAR: Doesn’t
she look good? RANDY SKLAR: She looks
really good. JASON SKLAR: She looks
fantastic. RANDY SKLAR: Even with the
baby, she looks great. JASON SKLAR: She looks great. Hey, let’s get started with
@reply, where we reply directly to ridiculous people’s
ridiculous tweets. RANDY SKLAR: This week, walking
Petri dish Hugh Hefner blew his own shriveled trumpet
with this tweet. “Crystal is back, I’ll be
hanging with the girls by the pool this afternoon and playing
a little backgammon.” JASON SKLAR: Now, when he says
Crystal, he means Crystal Light, right? RANDY SKLAR: Yeah, and when he
says hanging by the pool, he means skimming the grotto for
traces of Fred Durst. JASON SKLAR: And when he
says playing a little backgammon, he means– JASON AND RANDY: Playing
a little backgammon. RANDY SKLAR: Hey, at least he’s
finally doing something age-appropriate. JASON SKLAR: Hey, guess
what, people? It’s time to relearn. RANDY SKLAR: Just like Ex helps
people relearn life without cigarettes with its free
quit plan, we relearned this week that running with the
bulls may be hazardous to your health. JASON SKLAR: This week, there
were injuries galore during the annual San Fermin
Festival in Spain. @GuardianUS tweeted, “Two
Britons one American were gored in the running of the
bulls in Pamplona.” RANDY SKLAR: I should have never
joined this fraternity! This should have been the plot
for “City Slickers 3.” Ah! Now, the only thing more
dangerous than running with Spanish bulls is putting your
money in Spanish banks. JASON SKLAR: Ole. RANDY SKLAR: Justin McKeating
responded to the tragedy with this compassionate tweet, “It
warms my cold, cold heart to see [BLEEP] kids being gored at Pamplona.” JASON SKLAR: He kind
of has a point. I mean, this whole scene reminds
me of a Redlands Denny’s at 2:00 AM. RANDY SKLAR: Well, that’s
Europe for you. I mean, when I backpacked there
after college, I did some crazy stuff. Like that one time I took that
picture where it made it look like I was holding up the
Leaning Tower of Pisa. JASON SKLAR: Or that time that
I had unprotected sex with an Algerian transvestite
in Chernobyl. RANDY SKLAR: You never
told me that. JASON SKLAR: That’s why I keep
telling you, man, you’ve got to read my Chernobyl diaries. RANDY SKLAR: I will. JASON AND RANDY: That
was trending? JASON SKLAR: This week,
Chumbawumba was trending. RANDY SKLAR: Chumba what? JASON SKLAR: Technically,
only 14/15 of the band were trending. RANDY SKLAR: But when news broke
of the band’s breakup, people were devastated. JASON SKLAR: Mike Scully took
the news personally. “Just told my kids about Chumbawumba
splitting up. They pretended not to know who
I was talking about, which just made it harder. So brave.” RANDY SKLAR: Mike, you’ve been
writing for The Simpsons for like, what, 47 years? You could probably pay
Chumbawumba to get back together for your daughter’s
sweet 16. JASON SKLAR: For an extra $10,
they’ll probably let you knock them down and then they’ll
get back up again. RANDY SKLAR: For another $20,
they’ll probably do some face-painting. JASON SKLAR: Look, I think for
an extra $30, they’ll mop the dance floor. RANDY SKLAR: And for an
extra $40, you can kill three of them. JASON SKLAR: Hey, kids,
it’s an election year. That means it’s time
for 2012 in 140. RANDY SKLAR: Now, if you think
political discourse in this country is polarized, wait until
you get a load of this. @DerekBlass tweeted this
awesome video link. “Jordanian parliament
member throws shoe. Pulls gun on critic
on live TV. Will be us soon.” I love how when the guy pulls
out his shoe, the other guy ducks behind that little desk. But when the guy pulls a gun, he
gets right up in his face. I’m guessing the gun is not
going to fire some shoes. JASON SKLAR: This is Pic This. Our friend Brody Stevens
released this twit pic with the caption “Happy Head Shot.” RANDY SKLAR: See, I love that
Brody’s not afraid to make a little fun of himself. He is making fun of
himself here? JASON SKLAR: I think he is. RANDY SKLAR: I hope he is. Now, who among us hasn’t
taken a bad head shot? For years, this used to
be our head shot. And before that, we used this. JASON SKLAR: And before that,
this was our head shot. RANDY SKLAR: Looked
great there, Jay. JASON SKLAR: I felt great. You know, maybe I should
start wearing my hair that way again. RANDY SKLAR: Now, before we log
off, it’s time for Tweets to Re-Tweet. JASON SKLAR: Where we highlight
tweets from people we follow who we think you
should follow, too. This week the achingly clever
Damien Fahey tweeted “Rappers shouldn’t have to file taxes,
because they itemize everything they own in songs.” RANDY SKLAR: And that’s why
Ghostface Killa’s always saying, it’s all about the
unreimbursed employee expenses, [BLEEP]. JASON SKLAR: Hey, thanks for
checking out the “Tweekly News.” And don’t forget to
follow @theTweeklyNews. RANDY SKLAR: And for more of
the “Tweekly News,” go to BecomeAnEX.org/Sklar for
exclusive content, outtakes. JASON SKLAR: And of course,
more of our embarrassing head shots. See, I like this one. RANDY SKLAR: We were young, but
like I look overweight. JASON SKLAR: No,
you were thin. RANDY SKLAR: I look fat.