The Myths of Bullying Explained

Hi everyone. Welcome to our channel.
Thank you for choosing us. if you
like our content, don’t forget to hit the Subscribe button. So today we’re
bringing you yet another topic from the perspective of a certified life coach
and a licensed psychologist. My name is Deborah Brown and I’m Dr. Mitch Spero.
Today we’re here to present on a phenomenon that affects all of us at
some time in our lifetime from childhood to adolescence long into adulthood.
The topic is bullying and prevention of bullying. So we thought we would look at some myths from
bullying today… really hammer through them because this is what people are
believing bullying is all about so we’re gonna jump right in. Myth #1… Only boys are bullies. Ok we can say a big no to that one. Definitely false. The thing to know though is that boys bully
in a different manner from girls do. What you find is that boys tend to bully
in a more physical way and they’re less verbal. They tend to really
target people who are who have less physical ability of the boys their age.
However with girls, what you find is that girls tend to bully from a
social perspective. They tend to isolate others or really… isolate is the word. Teenage girls can start a rumor that has no basis in reality and totally destroy the
emotional well-being of other girls or other teenage friends. Right! Young
girls can make up things that have no factual
statement or reality whatsoever and convince their friends to
believe them. Girls quite often don’t get caught. They’re beautiful. They’re sweet.
They’re little. They’re innocent. They would never do that. The boy that was
held back might be larger than the other children because of age and grade and
enjoys the intimidation of having power and control and we’re here to help you
to understand the myths that you’ve heard and maybe believe and
reconceptualize so that you can help other children, adolescents and your
friends as adults. So… myth number one… there are girls who bully as well so the
myth number one about boys being bullies, that’s false. Okay number two I have for you Dr. Spero… Bullying is just teasing,
what’s the problem? There isn’t one… not at all. No. The bottom
line is that all teenagers tease. Most girls tease. Teasing is from one individual to
another without a sense of continuously choosing
the same target or the same topic. Teasing is something that’s just part of
growing up. Bullying has a completely different reality where there’s an
individual that takes pleasure in emotionally or physically harming
another, intimidating and having power over them way beyond teasing of
something that’s a general nature. Definitely a little different… a little
harsher. Much more serious. Definitely! Okay. That’s why we are here.
So myth number two …bullying is just teasing – definitely false. Number three…
third myth… some people really deserve to be bullied… is that
true? No one deserves to be bullied. That’s
totally false Dr. Spero. No one deserves to be bullied. We’re all different. What
you find is a lot of people end up getting bullied because maybe they’re a little different from a
physical standpoint. With girls, sometimes their fashion sense makes them become the victim of bullies… you know… anything physical but
the bottom line is we all have little things that make us different.
That’s our idiosyncrasies and our diversity to be proud of – not to be ashamed of. Exactly! We
should be celebrating each of our differences instead of making it
something that hurts us. So false… so false. No one deserves to be bullied.
Alright Dr. Spero… number four for you… bullying is a normal part of growing up.
Only in the sense that all of us as we were growing up knew somebody that was
either bullied or bullied others or they were bullied themselves or they believed
others. Is it a normal part of growing up? Well the word normal may not hold
credence. However, it’s a fact of growing up that all of us have been exposed to bullying at one level or another. Alright
so again… false. Next myth… bullies will go away if you
just ignore them. Turn the other cheek etc. and they’ll just stop. They’ll go
away. No, no, no, no, no. So again that is false.
What you find is that they are going to want to stick around until they get an
effect from you. Their whole idea is to get some kind of reaction out of you
so your ignoring them isn’t actually giving them the reaction they’re looking
for so… Actually I’ve taught many children and adults how to talk tough
without making a threat, without saying they’re going to do something
but a way of informing the bully that this is going to stop.
I call it busting the bully by telling other people that love you and trust you.
Mm-hmm. That is the key. Communicate what’s going
on. People need to know what you’re experiencing so that they can do something
about it. It obviously is a bigger problem than
you alone can handle. Alright number six… people who complain about
bullies are babies… or tattletales. arcs absolutely what when where if enough
people report the bullying so the guidance counselor to the teacher, to any
figure that’s an authority, that individual must take control of it,
contact the parents, work with the individuals and resolve the issues. Again
communication is the key. It’s a bigger problem than you alone can handle. Bring
it to the surface – it’s an iceberg. Mm-hmm. Got it! Okay number seven… all bullies
have low self-esteem. Surprisingly, that statement is both true and false. Well
we’re gonna say actually false because of the “all”. “All bullies” kind of takes it out
of the true but what you find is that they have high self-esteem. It sounds weird but
they actually think of them or think of you less than they are with a level of
self-esteem that you wouldn’t really expect. We typically hear that bullies
have low self-esteem but no… the fact that they can do what
they do, it kind of helps them to feel a little bit…
a little bit better about themselves. Sometimes even an officer or a teacher
may bully other officers or teachers. True. So the bottom line is that it’s not
all about self-esteem. It’s about how they learn to treat others the same way
that they wish they had been treated. Our job is to help you to stop the pattern.
Got it! Perfect. Perfect. Next, number eight. We are coming down to
the wire. The best way to deal with a bully is by
fighting or trying to get even… what do you think? I grew up in Philadelphia and
I’m third degree black belt… I completely agree I think you should. No… in all
seriousness. He really is a black belt. Third degree black belt and what we learn most is self control. The key is not bullying the bully but helping the bully to stop
bullying. So a physical reaction is generally not * Learn to stand your ground verbally by
using your head and then your mouth. We think of it as actions and consequences,
thoughts and then feelings. We help people to understand them. Perfect.
Number nine…only children are bullies. Okay so a lot of us like to think that only children get bullied but surprisingly you
have adults that are being bullied… in the workplace… home – some people say they’re
bullied by their homeowners associations. What do you mean “say”… I’ve been bullied by my Home Owners Association. The point is that bullying happens with all ages, all sizes. It doesn’t matter. All types of people. All types of people can get
bullied. And don’t be ashamed and don’t be afraid and we’re here to help. We certainly are. Thank you for tuning in
and we will continue with many other topics at many other times. So I am your
certified life coach, Deborah Brown. I’m the licensed psychologist and author, Dr.
Mitch Spero, and we’re welcoming you to subscribe and tune in again. Thank you. Until then!… Cut!