Superstore – Don’t Be a Dina, Be a Jonah (Episode Highlight)


– Okay, so, I wanted
to bring Dina up here so we could discuss
this morning’s incident. – Listen, I don’t
need an attaboy just for doing my job, okay?
But I do think it’s positive that this can open a
conversation about self-defense and how each of us
need to take action– – What I’m saying is,
don’t do what Dina did. – Ooh.
– I’m sorry, what? – He said,
“Don’t be like you.” – Dina took it upon herself to
physically confront the thief. And while it worked out
okay this time, it could have turned into
serious injury, or death, or God forbid,
a lawsuit. I’m obviously joking.
A lawsuit would not be as bad as death.
The point is, we have a policy for this.
So if you see something suspicious,
report it. Don’t try to handle it yourself. – Yeah, we all know
what the policy is, but what was I supposed to do? Just stand there and make brown,
like Jonah? – What did Jonah do? – Well, I didn’t actually
do anything– – Exactly.
He just sat there and watched a guy
rob the store. – Thank you.
That is what you should all do in the future. Thank you, Jonah,
for actually following protocol. – Oh, well, yeah.
I mean, you know, you guys came up
with the policy. I just knew it and followed it. – It’s appreciated.
– Oh, my God, just sleep with him,
already. – What?
– Okay, what if someone steals a baby? What then?
Do you want me to just sit there and watch someone
take a baby? – What if the baby
is wearing a bomb? Then wouldn’t you want
him to steal it? – I’m trying to picture
a scenario in which somebody planted–
– Oh, what if it’s baby Hitler? – Oh.
– That’s a very good question. – Is it?
– I think you gotta kill that baby Hitler.
– Yeah. – But how would you know that
that baby was gonna grow up to be Hitler?
What if that baby was gonna grow up to be
the exact opposite of Hitler? – Churchill?
– No. – Lance Bass.
– Interesting. – Oprah.
– Yeah, Oprah. – Oh, yeah.
– Gotta save that baby. – Gotta save it.
– I’m more of an Ellen person. It’s fun when she dances.
– Anyway, what I’m saying is, don’t be a Dina.
Be a Jonah. – Oh. Different.
– Wow. – Wait, you guys.
What if it’s baby Oprah, but the person stealing it
is Beyoncé? [all murmuring] – I need a pen and paper.