Right-o you lot, put down your asbestos – time to call the roll Thank you. Zach? Here. Mark? Yes. Broden? Yes, I’m here. Nineteen-year-old at her first music festival? Yaaaas bitch! Christian youth worker? I’m always here, what do you need brother? Troubled student on the way to another class distracting a student in this class? Tim! What you got? Triple j presenters? *empty laughing* Overly confident man who chose to wear a grey shirt on a hot day? Here, haha! Bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator? Yee-haw! Undercover public transport inspectors? Nah man we’re a group of friends going to St Kilda, goin’ to the beach. Person who interrupts every time I call the roll? Good he must- Here!
Oh ya bastard! Talking hamburger with paranoia? They actually swap babies at the hospital, that’s no bullshit. Matt? Yes. Matt with a hat? Yes. Matt without a hat but a cat? Yes. Matt with a hat and a cat? Yes. Just Matt’s cat with a hat? *meow* Hello small cat with a hat I’m happy that you’re here. 1960’s camp villain? Yeess. My Dad? Why Dad, Dad all I wanted was for you to come and see me do the roll. Man not dead, just pretending? Lady in a Bunnings ad? Got a little bit of a cheeky joke going with the ladies in the staffroom, that people come here for the snags but they stay for the cheap plasterboard. Southern belle? Of course I’m here, I’ve never been late to any appointment. Someone else doing roll call? Person doing roll call? Here. Good! Are you here? Yes. Well alright then.
Well alright then. Charles Dicken’s villain? Oh yes I’m here, and hold on to ‘yer handkerchiefs, ’cause me ugly buglie boys are coming after you. Yes very good then. Man who can’t stop vomiting black stuff? Yes, I’m here Broden. Well yeah thank God we didn’t have to see that I’ll tell ya- *bubbling screams* Well what a- what an awful, awful thing to see but we’re here to learn, so we’ll move on. *approaching jumbled screaming* I didn’t make it. Aagh. I have to buy Mr Broden Turboman but then there won’t be any Turboman and I will have to fight Sinbad and in the end, I will become Turboman. Wherever you are, I’m sorry! No!