– Hey, guys. How’s it hangin’? Recently, I did a video exposing secrets that you guys shared with
me and you all loved it. You loved it. You
couldn’t get enough of it. So, I went on the community tab on YouTube and asked you guys to
share more secrets with me, big or small, dirty or clean. All I ask is that you share them with me. Think of this as a confessional. I am your priest and today I will purge you all of your sins. The only difference being
that I am judging you. Are priests not supposed
to judge? Is that a thing? Because I don’t know. I’m
Jewish. But let’s do this. (loud thud) That even rhymed. I’m
Jewish, but let’s do this. “I sold my mom’s dildo when
I was younger for candy. “My sister bought it and my mom found it “and took it back so I
sold it to here again “and kept making money for two weeks. “They still don’t know.” You should use that as your
personal essay when applying to business school, which
is obviously what you need to be doing with your life. Beautiful, just…what an anecdote. “I used to pee on the floor as a kid “because I was so scared of going “to the bathroom at night. “My mom still thinks it was my dog.” I used to not flush the toilet at night because I was scared of the loud sound and my mom would always yell at me for not flushing the toilet. Yours is a little worse. There’s no doubt. But, wig. “My brother was making
fun of my fish named Gulpa “so I killed his fish with a toothbrush. “His toothbrush.” The fish didn’t do anything to you. You fucking awful human being. Sorry. I’m not judging you. I’m not. I am. “When I am in bed and
need to blow my nose, “I just blow it on my blanket.” I used to blow my nose in my clothes. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t do that. I mean, if I’m really
sick and I’m like sitting in a ball of my own sickness,
then I do still do it. I don’t know. This is not my secrets that we’re sharing, Okay? So just forget that. (exhales loudly) This is from the same
person, so I don’t even know which one to read first. I’m gonna read the one that I read. Okay. “I staged it to look like I
was cheating on my boyfriend “so I didn’t have to break up with him. “I didn’t want to tell him the reason “I wanted to end things. “It was because he was
straight shit when he would try “to perform anything in the bedroom.” Anyways, the same person,
right down below, writes: “I kind think my younger brother is hot.” “When my friends aren’t
looking, I go into their wallets “and look for unused gift cards, “take pictures of the numbers on the back, “then go home to do some online shopping.” That’s actually kind of smart
because I feel like a lot of people don’t end up coming
around using their gift cards but when I first started reading it, I thought you just
meant their credit cards and I was like that’s fu- I mean, it’s fucked up either way. I don’t wanna be your friend. (laughs) “I saw this guy in the hall in high school “and swore it was my
friend so I dunked his face “into a water fountain. “It wasn’t my friend. “I ran away and haven’t
told anyone since.” (loud thuds) I hope you apologized at
that very confused boy. “I’m in a relationship
with my dad’s boss.” Oh, my God. LifeTime irl. Love it, hate it, life for it. ” I would message guys on an app “when I was younger
pretending to be their slave. “I never sent pictures or anything “but I would literally have them tell me “what to do and shit. “My parents found out and
sent me to therapy. I was 13.” I hope you’re doing better now. But ‘my parents found out
and sent me to therapy’ makes me literally laugh out loud. “I jerked my shit at a concert” It’s not even public masturbation
that’s grossing me out in this comment, it’s just the
expression ‘jerked my shit’. “I had a pet turtle when I was eight “and I flushed him down the toilet. “In my head, I wanted to save him “but when my mom asked,
I said, “The dog ate it.” “Let’s just say the dog isn’t
living with us anymore.” That’s really sad. Guys,
own up to your mistakes. What the fuck? Ew. “When people like my mother
or sister would ask me “to bring them water, I
would bring them water “from the toilet.” Lazy and rude. “Seven years ago, one
time my friend was over “and we were writing in our diaries. “She left to go to the
bathroom and I used the key “to my diary to unlock her diary. “They were all the same. “And then read her entries.
Turns out, she hated me. “Lying bitch.” “One time I lied about being bullied so I didn’t have to go to school “and my Nana called the principal
and the kid got suspended. “I felt bad but I didn’t
go to school for two days, “so it worked out.” You guys are just throwing motherfuckers under the bus left and right. Okay, so this person wrote a warning. It says, “Asterisk, asterisk.
This is a naughty one. “So I used to babysit this
little girl when her parents went “on their date nights. “One night they came home and
was super friendly with me “and was asking me questions. “One of them was if I would
have a threesome with them. “I agreed, and now nine months later, “I have a kid by the dad
and they don’t even know. “Oops.” That is fucking crazy. “I have this habit of
whenever I mess something up, “I completely get annoyed
at the other person “for something petty so they
don’t notice my mistake. At least you’re self-aware. “I laughed when I heard my old
public speaking teacher died “because I hated her so much.” (laughs) Holy fuck. Someone’s secret is just: “I actually like Jake Paul.” ” I catfihsed my ex-girlfriend
to see if she would cheat “and uh. “Tea, bitch. She did.” “When I was eight, I begged
my parents for a pet. “They said we could not afford a dog, “so I requested a goldfish. “They said yes. “When we got the goldfish,
I had it for about two days. “The next day, my mom came in to the room “and saw the goldfish was missing. “when she looked at me, I had the goldfish “in my mouth and I was chewing it. “Before she could get
it from me, I swallowed. “Basically, I ate my goldfish.” Why? Was it good, at least? Was that pleasant for you? Because I’m sure it wasn’t
pleasant for your goldfish. Wow. “I know about my father’s
mistress. Her name is Cherry.” I feel like I’ve taken on
a lot of emotional strain. I thought it would be all
laughs and giggles, today. But I’m distressed. Well, thank you guys for
sharing your secrets with me. Thank you guys for watching this video. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, make sure
to give it a thumbs up. Leave a comment down below and subscribe and turn my notifications on because YouTube’s been fuckin’ up lately because I upload videos every Thursday. I gotta go. (loud thud) Bye. ♪And if you lose, boo-hoo ♪ ♪Hey, look ma. I made it ♪ ♪Hey, look ma. I made it ♪