Passive Aggressive Communication So Covert You Didn’t Notice It Until Now


what is the most passive yet aggressive
communication that is being directed at you that you’re not even realizing keep
watching this is life mastery gym I’m Damon Cart and I teach people just like
you cutting-edge NLP processes and techniques so that you can master your
life and take charge of your destiny so if that sounds good make sure you
click right here and subscribe to this channel so you can get these videos on a
regular basis shortly before my mentor Steve andreas passed away he told me
that if he knew he were going to live longer
one thing that he would study is implication and implication more
specifically from the father of modern hypnosis Milton Erickson and he
recommended that I look into this more and that there was a lot more to
understand about the subtle communication of implication and he’s
even written two papers on it it’s still available if you search Steve andreas
and you search implication you’ll find his essays on that how much do you
actually know about Milton Erickson the hypnotist basically NLP a good chunk of
NLP was modeled after his communication skills which was based on hypnosis so if
you know who Milton Erickson is or if you don’t let me know in the comments
below when I took my first NLP training one of the teachers told us about a
study that was done where they took a group of kids and they tested their
knowledge and their intelligence and they scored average to slightly above
average then they decided to divide that class in half and they gave one group to
a teacher and they told that teacher that these kids were highly intelligent
and highly gifted and then they took the other group of kids and
the kids to another teacher and they told that teacher that these kids were
below average they needed a lot of help and they were borderline learning
disabled and then a few months later they tested all of the the kids
basically the same test and not surprisingly the kids who were with the
teacher who believed they were much smarter than when they were that their
test scores went up and the other kids who the teacher believed were not so
bright their test scores went down now how could we explain this well there’s
two things that really can help explain this that’s presupposition and also
implication and I’m gonna focus more on implication but presupposition is a
great way to compare implication or to show the contrast between the two and
why is this important when it comes to passive-aggressive communication well
when somebody presupposes that you’re wrong or you did something that was not
right or you screwed up which is what a lot of passive-aggressive
people do when they communicate to you they do so in a way where they
presuppose that you’ve messed something up they presuppose that you’re bad they
presuppose that you’re lower than them and they are better than you but a
presupposition can be called out you can negate a presupposition you can
especially if you study this a little bit you will start to know when
somebody’s using a presupposition and then you can stop and say wait a minute
I don’t agree with that and presupposition is also one of the what
you also find it in the Milton model the NLP Milton model it’s the model that the
founders of NLP and the developers of NLP discovered whenever they modeled
Milton Erickson and they found these language patterns which were very
persuasive and very hypnotic and he used a lot of presupposition now a
presupposition might be something like when are you gonna start feeding the
kids food that they like that was actually something that was told to me
I’m not gonna save my hippo but in that presupposition is a precept presupposing
that I’m intentionally feeding the kids food that they don’t like well of course
I wouldn’t do that to my kids and I caught that presupposition I said well
wait a minute no I fed them what I thought was healthy
and that I thought they would like I didn’t know they weren’t going to like
it okay so I was able to catch that presupposition and so you want to tune
your ears to that if you’re dealing with someone who you think is being very
passive-aggressive they will use presuppositions with you and so you want
to go to catch those and they become really easy to catch which a lot harder
is catching implication why because implication there’s really nothing to
negate it’s really what’s there that’s not being said it’s what’s left blank
and so why did I tell that story in the beginning about the kids because really
the kids were probably subjected to presuppositions the smart kids were
presupposed that they were smart so they probably felt smarter the kids who were
being presupposed that they weren’t so bright probably felt Dumber and so they
acted that way and then on top of it it’s all the stuff that wasn’t being
said okay so I’m gonna do my best to explain implication and it might take a
little while you might have to watch this video a few times but think about
this if somebody if you think’s life is a certain way if you think you are a
certain way if you think someone else is a certain way you tend you tend to treat
them that way you tend to treat yourself that way or you tend to approach life
that way and that’s why we thought we have what we call self-fulfilling
prophecies or we have what the world seems to function like we believe it
functions even if it’s really bad and people tend to act the way that we think
they act so it continues to go that way it’s like oh it’s like a loop an
implication is the most subtle fly below the radar way of communicating and when
someone’s being passive-aggressive with you and they’re using implication there
well first of all they’re probably not even aware of it but if they’re highly
skilled at being passive-aggressive I can assure you that they are using
implication and that implication is affecting you and that implication
is causing you to probably behave in such a way that sort of confirms what
they already think about you and this just makes this such a situation worse
so if you’re dealing with a passive-aggressive person notice how you
tend to kind of feel and act the way that they’re treating you and what’s
worse is that sometimes you don’t even realize it that it’s them who’s doing it
and that’s when you know that implication is probably being used so
like I said implication is what’s not being said so it can’t be negated so
I’ll give you some examples of the difference between presupposition and
implication and hopefully this will shed light on what I’m talking about here
let’s say someone at work or this could even be in a relationship someone says
to you you didn’t screw up this time okay that’s a presupposition and how you
know it’s a presupposition is because you can negate something so first of all
what does that presuppose that’s presupposes that you often screw up if
somebody says well you didn’t screw up this time so you can say wait a minute
what do you mean are you implying or you’re Uchitel are you presupposing that
I screw up a lot of the time and then the person might backpedal and say well
you know I’m sorry I didn’t mean that but if they’re being passive-aggressive
there it’s probably quite intentional so you can call it out and you can negate
it but what if someone just says to you and again this can be in a relationship
a intimate relationship or a work relationship they say you didn’t screw
up so the implication there is that maybe you normally do but because the
person didn’t say it you K if you come back and say well what do you mean I
normally do and the person go whoa I didn’t I didn’t say that
would warrant why are you thinking that you thought that I didn’t say that so
you should be able to get kind of a sense of what implication is here it’s
very subtle and it’s very powerful because if somebody just says you didn’t
screw up where does your mind go your mind goes – oh you know like I yeah
there was that other time that I did screw up or your mind naturally shifts
to the times that screw up and then you kind of feel bad
about yourself and by the time you’re wrapped up in this the person’s probably
already gone you don’t even realize what they did to you
this is how powerful implication can be so let me give you some more examples
so another presupposition might be in say like a work-related situation if you
get promoted a lot of times the people who are jealous of you will act passive
aggressively toward you they can’t be overtly aggressive to you because and
then you might fire them or because you’re the supervisor you would tell
whatever supervisor would then reprimand them possibly fire them so if you do get
promoted expect people to be passive-aggressive with you and so
someone might say to you since you became supervisor our numbers are down
okay so this is a presupposition and it can be negated so you could say well
wait a minute so you’re trying to say that because the numbers are down it
must be my fault so you can call them out on that presupposition but what if
they just come to you and say our numbers are down again
because there’s so much left open here that would probably put you put make you
feel like oh wait a minute since I became supervisor is this my fault and
that’s probably what the person wants you to experience well maybe this is my
fault the numbers are down maybe this is my fault
again this is implication it it’s what’s not being said that causes your mind to
go to that place and it’s really hard to negate it and if you did then you might
look like the crazy one which adds to their passive-aggressive communication
so what if you said well you know the person said well our numbers are down
and you turn around and said what are you trying to imply that this is because
it’s my fault since I’m the supervisor now and then the first thing we might
jump back and say what are you talking about like I never said that and that’s
because they didn’t have to and that’s implication so I’m going to give you one
more presupposition and implication so you can get an idea of what I’m what
implication is so let’s say you’re in a relationship let’s say a family
relationship and your spouse says to you well you know when you’re at work I’m
sure you’re wonderful I’m sure you’re great but at home it’s a
from story okay so what are they pretty supposing this one’s pretty obvious that
sure you do well at work but you’re not really thinking of your family you’re
more interested in work you’re more interested in your job than you are in
your family so again this is a presupposition so you can notice it and
you can negate it and you could say oh you’re trying to imply that I don’t care
about my family that I care more about my job than I care about my family so
again this is what makes presupposition that you know it’s a presupposition
because you can negate it but what if your spouse just comes to you and says
your family needs you okay so this can be a sincere statement and it might not
be passive-aggressive and it might not be an implication the way that I’ve been
talking about it here but in the right context it most certainly could be just
coming out and saying your kids need you which implies that you’re not there for
your kids or you’re not there for your family and and if you had just returned
from work late that really creates that context and again if you try to negate
that and you say something like well are you saying that I’m not here for my
family the spouse can back up and say oh I didn’t I didn’t say that I’m just
saying your family needs you so it’s it’s it’s once again it this could
easily be turned on you if you try to negate it and that person can make you
seem even crazier which is what passive-aggressive people often want to
do they want to make you seem wrong bad or crazy there is much to be explored
when it comes to implication so have fun with this learn more about it notice how
it comes up in your interactions especially when you think someone is
being passive-aggressive toward you and if you would like to learn more of the
Milton model language patterns the NLP Milton model I created a free pdf that
you can get immediate access to there’s a link right down here in the
description and then also I’ll put a link and the ten to comment at the top
you just click that link and you can get your hands on that free
PDF which I’d give you several Milton model language patterns that you can use
for a greater persuasion and influence you can also use them if you’re into
hypnosis also you can notice when these patterns are being used on you so that
you can recognize what’s happening and how they might one might be using them
to influence or persuade you which is not necessarily a bad thing unless
they’re trying to get you to do something that you don’t want to do so
check out that PDF if you like this video please click like right down here
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