Passive Aggressive Behavior: You’re NOT CRAZY


Are you crazy or is someone’s passive
aggressiveness getting to you. Well I’m going to show you
how to recognize passive
aggressive behavior so that you can do something about it.
Keep watching. This is Life Mastery Gym, I’m Damon Cart and I teach people just
like you cutting edge processes and techniques so that you can live a more
fulfilling life and take charge of your destiny,
so if that sounds good, please click subscribe to this youtube
channel so you can get these videos on a regular basis. I’ve been practicing and teaching
neuro linguistic programing for years, which deals a lot with psychology and
human behavior and what I’m going to teach you in this video is how to become immune
to passive aggressiveness so that you can get on to bigger and better things
and enjoy your life more and enjoy your work life more. Most people encounter passive aggressive
behavior in the workplace with their coworkers, but you can also encounter it in personal
relationships with family members. Perhaps even a significant other passive
aggressive behavior can range from anywhere from just someone ignoring
you to what they call gaslighting, which is basically just making you feel
like you’re crazy and that everything’s always your fault and that
you’ve done something wrong. If you think that you’re the target
of passive aggressive behavior, type in yes in the comments right
here below. I’m just curious. I’d like to know how many of
you actually feel like you’re, you’re being targeted. The first step is to recognize
passive aggressive behavior, and this can be rather tricky
because of the passive part of it, because it’s passive.
A lot of times you, you start experiencing these
negative feelings towards someone, even anger or pain or hurt and
you don’t really understand why. Just when you’re in their presence, you feel this way and you might even
feel bad on top of it because you don’t know why you feel this way. You don’t know of any specific behavior
that they’ve done that has triggered this feeling inside of you. One of the ways to recognize passive
aggressive behavior is to notice that feeling first of all, and then does that person often treat
you or presuppose that you did something wrong?
And not only that, they take on the tone as if
they’re willing to tolerate you. They’re willing to forgive you. They’re willing to allow
you to make it up to them, even though you’re not even
sure what you did wrong. This is very typical of someone who’s
being passive aggressive toward you. So check in with those feelings. Are you feeling these negative feelings
towards someone and you’re not sure why? Because you can’t narrow our
specify what they did wrong to you, but you just feel this way around them.
And then secondly, are they taking on that tone of you’re
always screwing it up and they will allow you to make it up to them like they’re
taking some sort of high road by dealing with you. What can be so powerful
about presuppositions is
that it can feel like this conclusion has already been made,
you did wrong, and they’re already, they’ve jumped forward to the point
where they’re already talking about forgiving you. It’s sort of imposed on you and it’s
sort of like everyone’s mind has already been made up about this. It’s already
been accepted. This is a fact, and this leads me to the second part of
this is being aware of the frame that that person who’s acting passive
aggressively is imposing on you. Now what do I mean by frame? In NLP it we use the idea of framing
and reframing because all of reality is perception. So how was that reality
being perceived? We do this in frames. It’s a very useful way to look at things
because if you can understand how the frame with the frame is of the perception, then you can reframe it and that goes for
your own perception or influencing the perception of others. So when people
were being passive aggressive, especially if they’re really good at it, what they’re trying to do is they’re
trying to impose their frame onto you. Now you might just be thinking, well,
I just won’t accept their frame. This is the hard part because most of
the time this, this is unconscious. Like I said,
it’s presupposed. So if there’s somebody who’s imposing
their frame on you and you don’t realize it because it’s unconscious, you will naturally sort of slip
into it and accept it as the, as this reality.
Reality is true when it it’s not, and when you realize that
that’s what’s what is happening, then you can reject it.
You can say, no, I’m not. I’m not going to step into that frame. I’m not going to try to defend something
when I haven’t done anything wrong. And that’s a lot of times what passive
aggressive people will try to get you to do is go on the defensive and
when you go on the defensive, then you’re defending from a place of,
it’s like you’ve already, they’ve already dug the hole for you
and you’re in the hole and you’re like, wait a minute,
I didn’t really do anything wrong, but I’m still defending myself or I’m
still denying something which makes you look wrong. Basically in any
situation, whether it’s a negotiation, a sales situation,
or a leader and their followers, the person with the strongest frame
and whatever the interaction is, it will usually win and they’ll get
whatever they want and they’re especially powerful at doing this. If people aren’t even conscious of the
frame that’s being imposed on them. I’m not suggesting that you should never
reflect upon yourself to think about whether or not you actually
might’ve done something wrong. You might have harmed somebody
that happens sometimes
when we’re not aware of it. So if you are feeling that and you’re
wondering if you’re wondering if you actually did something wrong, that’s a
good time to do some self reflection. Don’t accept the frame that
the person is imposing on you, but take a minute to step
back and ask yourself, did you really do anything wrong here?
And sometimes we do and we didn’t mean to. It just might’ve come out that way.
It also helps to get a second opinion, a second opinion of someone who you trust, especially someone who might know that
person who’s being passive aggressive against you, because they might be recognizing that
it’s a lot easier for other people to recognize it when they’re
not in the situation. So get a second opinion and if
you’ve done something wrong, of course apologize for it. But if you’re not sure if you did and
someone seems to be imposing that on you, this might be one of those times that
somebody is being passive aggressive. So just don’t accept it right away.
Take some time with it, sit with it and really examine whether
or not you did violate one of your own values here.
So here’s the good part. When you recognize that this is happening
and you reject the frame and you don’t accept the frame that
they’re imposing on you, the person who’s being passive
aggressive is stuck. But hold on, we’re not done yet. The next part of this is to do what
we call goes second position with the person. This is when you
associate into someone else. This is how we cultivate sympathy and
empathy is experienced the world as they do from their perception
as best that we can. And what you want to do when you do that
is you want to try to understand what the positive intent of this person’s
passive aggressive behavior is. Now I know that sounds
really counterintuitive
and you could think, well, there’s nothing positive about this,
and you’re right, there’s nothing positive
about the behavior, but at
its core, underneath it all, there is a positive intent. And in NLP we say that all behavior
has a positive intent at its origin. So when you want to do is you
want to go to the positive intent, what might be the positive intent of
this person acting passive aggressively toward you? Because chances are this is a strategy
that they learned early in life to get what they want. And there might
actually be something that they want. They don’t know how to communicate it. So they act out passive
aggressively toward you. And in some cases they might not even
be conscious that they’re doing this. So when you go second position and you
find what their positive intent is and you gently call it out, you have a real opportunity here to
resolve something or help somebody resolve something and in a way that
you can both get what you want. And that brings me to the other part of
positive intent is find out what your own positive intent is in the situation. So what do you want out of this situation? You recognize a person’s acting class
of passively aggressively toward you. You go second position you, you try
to understand what it is thereafter. And then you ask yourself,
what would you like out of this situation? And this is hard to do because when
someone’s acting that way toward you, that the tendency is to feel emotions
like shame, blame, guilt, fear, anger.
And it’s hard to get rational and say, okay,
what do I actually want out of this? It’s easy for those emotions to blind us.
Cause like I said, when someone’s acting this way around you, the tendency is just you don’t
feel good about yourself. You don’t feel good when you’re around
that person, but you think it’s about you. So step out of these emotions and
then ask yourself in an ideal way, what would you like out of those? What
would you like out of calling out there? Passive aggressive behavior. Beyond that,
what do you want out of the situation? It doesn’t mean you’re
actually going to get it, but at least it gives you a vision of
something to look forward to our target to go after. When you know you’re
positive intent in the situation, this will help ground you so you
don’t act out from the emotion. So you can, you can act in a way that’s
really going to help the situation, help you or help the situation.
When you’re able to do this, you might actually turn an
enemy into a friend, doesn’t, it’s not gonna always work that way,
but that actually might happen, which is much better than
what the situation was before. If you understand each other better, it’s likely to work out better for both
of you. Now, the opposite may be true. They may deny they’re passive aggressive
behavior. If you’d call it out, you start out gently, they deny
it. You become more overt about it. They might continue to deny it.
But here’s the, I guess the next best
solution to this problem is, is that once they’re aware that you know
they’re going to stay away from you, and the reason for that is they’re
being passive about it because they, they’re afraid of being exposed. They’re
afraid of being overtly aggressive. So they do it in a passive way.
And if you know it now, then it looks overt to
you and they know that. So you’ve called them out so they’re
gonna, they’re gonna stay away from you. You’re not gonna have to worry about
this person coming into contact with you because now they’re afraid that
you’re going to expose them. So now you know their number, you
know their tricks, they know that, so they’re likely to stay away from you
now and now you’ve gotten better control over your frame and better
control over your behavior. And really the truth is is your behavior
is all that you have control over any way.
Sometimes out of emotion, we get upset and we we want to somehow
control the other person’s behavior. Don’t do that. Don’t step
into that trap. Remember, you want to become really grounded.
Know your positive intent. Know what you want out of a situation. Expose the other person if you need to
and then that’s maybe the best that it’s going to get. Like I said, it’s best
if you can turn an enemy into a friend, but if that can’t happen, at least you can maintain control over
your own frame and over your own behavior. Now it is possible you could be
dealing with an all out narcissists. And if that’s the case, that’s likely the person is not
just going to go away a narcissist. A lot of times we’ll
keep at it and they’re, they can be relentless at times and
at times they can even be dangerous. So if that’s the case, then I recommend that you watch this
other video that I did on narcissism and how to deal with a narcissist.
I’ll link that video to this one. So now you know how to recognize
passive aggressive behavior, but you can’t do this completely
without being able to read nonverbal communication. So what I’ve done is I’ve created a
free training on sensory acuity and calibration, and you can access that training by going
to the link that’s in the description below and it actually gets emailed out
to you every single day for 30 days. So you get an understanding of what to do,
what to read, and each day has a new challenge
and a new exercise for you to do. And what this does is it cultivates your
ability to read nonverbal communication, which is more powerful
than Vertel communication. And it will also make you a much
stronger communicator and a much stronger influencer when you can read
the communication that’s
coming from someone that’s not being spoken. How do you deal
with passive aggressive behavior? I’d love to hear from you. Let me know
in the comments below and remember, take advantage of this free training
that I’m offering by clicking the link in the description. Also link
it to this video. And if you
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Take care. Okay.