I Did The Wrong Thing After Being Bullied

When I was in middle school, I got
bullied really bad. People just picked on me and it stayed like that for about
three years. I was bullied mercilessly. I was called names and stuff got thrown
at me and people would write mean names on the bathroom walls and call me horrible
stuff. And it got to the point where it got physical. I was actually beaten up by
multiple people when I was walking down the hallway for literally no reason. And
my parents did everything that they could do, but the principals and teachers
just didn’t seem to care enough and nothing ever really got done to stop it.
It was a terrible time for me, tragic and traumatizing, and I was scared. I hated
going to school, I didn’t want to be there. I honestly was depressed and
afraid. It was very stressful and difficult for me. But when I got to the
ninth grade, things changed. I got a new state of mind. I wouldn’t allow myself to
be bullied. And what I mean by that is I went crazy. I started fighting people, if
I felt disrespected, I will go nuts – cussing them out,
screaming at them, threatening them. I was constantly in trouble, getting in school
suspension, getting sent home, my parents were always being called. It got to the
point where the school literally told my mom, “Your daughter is going to end up in
jail, we don’t know what to do.” And they recommended sending me to an alternative
school. My mom, however, didn’t feel like that was the appropriate response, and
she got me into therapy. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, honestly. My rage lasted
for about two and a half years, and I honestly don’t even know how I had
friends. I can’t imagine that I was a good person to be around. I mean, I was
always being rude to somebody. It was just a not so good time in my life. It
took me a long time, but I finally realized that the reason why I was doing
what I was doing was out of fear of ever having to be bullied and treated like
that again. The fear of that embarrassment, the fear of that emotional
trauma. I didn’t want anyone to look at me as weak. I didn’t want anyone to view
me as someone to pick on or a pushover – ever – so I just went crazy and I lashed
out at anyone. And me doing that turned me into the people who bullied me. Even
though it took years, I have changed and matured, and the therapy did start to
help once I started realizing why I was acting the way that I was acting, and
that it wasn’t changing anything, it was just making me into a monster.
I guess the lesson of this story is, just because someone does something to you,
doesn’t mean doing it back makes you any better than them.
There’s always a healthier way to cope with things.