How to take in other people’s opinions (The Art of Life-ing with Keka)

How to take in other people’s opinions –
that’s today on “The Art of Life-ing with Keka.” [MUSIC] Okay!
Today’s topic is, I think, more so for ladies than for men – although I certainly
wouldn’t exclude anybody. But this is something that I’ve seen in a lot of
women and I’ve seen it in myself, and I wanted to share with you. As women, so
often, as we’re growing up, we don’t know how to accept a compliment, and we need
to change that! You know, I have had countless conversations with girlfriends
across the board, you know, through work through our community, through mummy
groups, all kinds of things, and I find time and time again, when somebody
compliments us as women, we kind of, don’t know how to accept it. So sometimes we
just smile and nod and go and – you know, in our minds, we sort of repel that
compliment and go, “They might be thinking that but really, the truth is…”
and sometimes we outright deny it! Or tell somebody that they’re wrong. You
know, sometimes I think that we were taught to be demure, to not have an ego,
to be humble. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t stand in our confidence, and
stand in our strengths. But I think that happens. Sometimes, you know, I was going
out for meeting with a friend of mine the other day, and I complimented her and
said, “You just look ageless! You look like you haven’t aged at all!” And her response
to me, in jest, was: “You need glasses!” and how many of us have had that
conversation, girlfriend to girlfriend, or just out in social settings. But you
know, I kind of we chuckled at it. But I said, “Oh my goodness, my dear, you have got
to learn to take a compliment! I love you dearly ,and I honestly mean it – you look
great!” And, you know, the fact that she came back and said, “You need glasses!” – to
me, means that there’s more hidden undertones in there, about the fact that
“That’s not how I think, and that’s not how I need to accept it.”
Conversely though, how many of us women and probably men too, have had somebody
give us a sense of criticism, or say something to us that’s kind of stuck
with us. I know for me, I could probably put a long list of things together where
people have criticized something about me. You know, when I was in high school,
somebody had criticized the shape of my nose,
and told me that it looks like an Indian food item that’s called a “pakora” – which
is sort of like vegetables fried in deep batter, and it’s kind of all round
and pudgy. And that bothered me for a really long time! Even though I’m like,
“Okay, my nose is my nose. And it is what it is.” And frankly, I should like the way
that I look. That’s the gift that God has given me. But, I took his words and I just
sort of embraced it for a really long time!
Until I had to actively let that go, and say, “No, you know what? I’m not taking
somebody else’s opinion and keeping it for myself!” But we do that all the time!
We repel positive compliments, and then we take the negative ones and keep
repeating it, and store it away, and bring it out for reference when we need to. I
find that even in work situations. You know, I had a boss once who said to me:
“You are not creative. But that’s okay. You don’t have to be. You can surround
yourself with creative people.” And I embraced those words as they were, and
thought, “Okay. I’m not creative. But I want to be. I like creativity. So I’m just
going to now work harder to try to be more creative,
since this boss of mine told me that I wasn’t.” And yet, I’ve been an artist from
the time that I was really so young. My mom is a musical singer – a classical
Indian singer. I’ve been performing since I was three. Creativity has been a really
big part of my world all along – and all of the other evidence around me – I just
discarded it, and I took that one person’s statement about me and embraced
it. So ladies, I’m going on and on, but I really want us to think about how we
accept negative criticisms around us. And we need to repel those, and then we need
to take the compliments that people give us, when it’s genuine and authentic, and
we need to embrace it – not only acknowledge it and thank them for it, but
really embrace it. Take it in. Because when we do, that is the place where we
can really build our inner confidence, and our strengths. And when we have that type
of mindset, we’re going to give other people more compliments too. So let’s learn to
embrace those compliments, and repel those criticisms.
Let’s make a conscious effort to do that – starting today! Thank you so much for watching this video. Please like it, comment on it, and
share it with someone you love. I put out new videos every Tuesday. And if you want
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much for joining us on this journey, and I’ll see you next time!