How to deal with difficult or toxic family members ft. Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev


Don’t attach particular importance to those
people who are genetically connected. You have no choice about who you are genetically
connected with. It’s happened. It’s an event that has happened. You cannot fix it now.
What kind of relationships you can maintain, maybe you have some choice, but not always.
That’s why you choose friends, that’s why you get married, that’s why we told you, you
should never marry within your blood relationship. That’s called incest, so that you have choice.
So that you can marry someone who is a little different from you, who feels a little different
from you. It is not because of blood relations that you feel different. It is because your
identification with the body is so strong. You make blood more important than your intelligence.
No, your intelligence should be your number one thing. When I say intelligence, don’t
think of intelligence as just the logical process of the mind. Right now what’s happening
in every cell in your body, what’s happening in a single molecule of DNA cannot be understood
by any intellect. That’s how complex it is. Tremendous things are happening. So there
is an intelligence right across which is functioning every moment of your life, otherwise you would
not be alive. Whatever you decide to think, this inner intelligence is still carrying
you on. Today, something happened, your love life fell apart or the stock market crashed
your mind will say “I want to die”, but the intelligence within you keeps you going. Tomorrow,
you might say “oh the life is great”, the intelligence within you keeps you going. If
the intelligence took instructions from your intellect, by now you would have been dead
1000 times. So do not understand intelligence as just intellect, there is a deeper intelligence
constantly functioning. To access that you will see that blood is just a superficial
thing. So one of the first things, if you distance yourself from the body, I want you
to understand only because you are stuck with this body some body also has become important.
If you are wearing your body too tight, then you do not know which is you and which is
your body. Even if you wear it even a little bit loose, suddenly you know this is my body,
this is not me. Don’t have to create too much distance, too much distance is called death.
Don’t do that. Please don’t do that. If you are free from this body, you will clearly
know what is important to you now, the whole existence is just one energy. Religions of
the world have been screaming for a long time, “God is everywhere”. Whether you say “God
is everywhere” or “everything is one energy” are you talking about the same reality or
different reality? Same reality. Everything is same energy. This is science. God is everywhere.
Same structure, expressed in a different way. Only problem is, science did not experience
it, he only mathematically deduced it. A religious person did not experience it, he just believes
it. But if you know it by experience, everything will fall into its right place, otherwise
you will distort reality. Just because you’re born in the same family, just because you
are born in the same house or home, you think something is happening…nothing. Two children
can grow up in the same family and grow diversely different. It is happening everyday. It is
just that we are trying to hold by blood simply because our own attachment to our own body
is too deep. If you understand the nature of what’s happening to this, very easily human
beings can raise beyond genetics and operate in a different way. The whole living system
is just about this. He had no parents, because he’s gone beyond his genetic process. Jesus
said “leave the dead to the dead”. What he is saying is, your father is dead. He’s saying
don’t allow your father to live through you. Dead should die. But right now your great-grandfather
and your ancestors also is living through you, whether you are aware of it or not. You’re
behaving like your great-great-grandfather, do you know this. You’re having the same genetics.
If you don’t go beyond this, your life becomes cyclical, it does not progress. If you want
your life to progress, the first thing that you need to do is you have to go beyond your
genetics. Otherwise, genetics will keep you in a cycle, in a loop, you will become an
endless cycle. Becoming cyclical is a helpless process, it’s a trap. Genetics gave you a
body, a certain quality. That’s fine. Beyond that genetics should not influence you, you
should go beyond that. Otherwise your life will become cyclical. So the first step in
the spiritual process is simple methods to transcend the limitations of genetics. If
you hold this body a little away from you, would your father influence you? No. You have
made the body too important. So your forefathers have become too important. If you hold your
own body aside, then all can go with it, you must leave the dead to the dead. Do not let
them live through you. This is your life. This is for you to live, not for your grandfather
to live through you.