Gabrielle Union Got Stalked by a Terminator Bully Trying to Kick Her Ass

-I´m psyched.
I want to talk about this book. I´m very excited about this.
-It´s crazy, right? -Yeah, no —
-I´m an author. This is insane. -Yes. You´re
in the Library of Congress. This is — it´s true.
[ Cheers and applause ] Really, it´s real good.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause continue ] First, I want to wish you a
happy early birthday, all right? Isn´t your birthday
around this time? -Yeah. October 29th. -October 29th
is your date of birth. -Yeah. Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] -What do you do?
You always do fun parties. What´s your —
What´s your theme this year? -This year, the theme
is sweatsuits and sneakers. -Yeah!
-Yeah. It´s — Like, all — The themes
are always kind of geared toward people actually
dancing… -Yeah. -…and having no excuse not
to dance and getting sweaty. -What were the other ones?
You did Pajama Jammy Jam. -We did the Pajama Jammy Jam.
We did Old-school Pep Rally, where you had to dress up
in your old high school — like, from your high school
or your college. -That´s awesome.
-We did ´80s “Miami Vice.” -Oh!
-…where we had, like — like, live alligators.
[ Light laughter ] -That´s fantastic.
-I mean, you — of — of course. -Of course. You —
-Everybody. -One must. One must.
-Yeah. -If you want to dance,
you have to have alligators. -Like, I get it.
-Yeah, of course. -And — And 2 Live Crew.
So that was a great — That was — yeah.
Uncle Luke. It ain´t no party
if Uncle Luke´s not there. So…
-Oh, my gosh! -That was a very good time.
-The real 2 Live Crew? -Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
-Oh, fantastic. -It was a good time. -And I want to get to the book. But I want to say
congratulations on “Being Mary Jane.”
-Thank you. -This is — It´s wrapping up
after four seasons. -Yeah, yeah.
-But you´re wrapping up with almost
the way you started, right? -With the movie.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Well, I´m psyched about this. -Everyone´s psyched, But everyone has
a different idea of what Mary Jane´s
happily ever after should look like.
-Well, how did — I mean, the show started —
wasn´t it a movie first? -A movie week, mm-hmm.
-Yeah. -And then…
-And then people loved it, so, like,
“Oh, let´s make it into a…” -Yeah. -So it´s almost fitting
that it ends… -Yeah.
-Are you — Are you — Is it bittersweet?
-It´s bittersweet. I´ve — She´s one of my favorite
characters I´ve ever played. -Yeah.
-And she´s completely imperfect. And there was the bed-wetting
stage, which was — adult bed-wetting not as fun…
-No. -…to play.
-But it is — it is real, and… -She had a real hard time
keeping a man during the — the peeing stage.
-[ Laughs ] Yes. Yes. -“Oh, was that me?
I don´t — Sorry.” [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, so that was weird. -“One of us —
One of us wet the bed.” [ Laughter ]
Yeah. Yeah. Let´s talk about this —
“We´re Going to Need More Wine.” -Yeah. -And how did you think
of the title for this one? -You know, I wanted the book to feel like a conversation
with friends. -Yeah.
-And when I´m with my friends, telling tales out of school,
we have wine. So, if the — if the
conversation starts off like, “Girl, hold up.
We´re going need more wine. Hold on.”
[ Laughter ] -All you need is “Girl”?
-Yeah, “Girl,” and it´s, “Wait.
Hold up. Hold up. We need… Bring them all back.”
-Yeah, right. -“I need a Chardonnay.” [ Laughter ]
But, yeah. And I just wanted it to feel
like an honest conversation. -Could you give us an example of one of the stories in —
in the book? -Okay. There´s — There´s —
-It goes — -It´s great, so funny,
but it goes all over the place. -Yeah, we cover a lot of ground. -It´s so fun.
It really is entertaining. -One of the funnier stories
that I can tell is called “Who Hates You Most?” There´s a chapter called
“Who Hates You Most?” And we — it was — we´re during a tornado warning,
watch or whatever. And so we´re all taking shelter
and bored. And someone was like, “Okay, who
hates you most in the world?” And I was like, “I´ve got
a story that tops all stories.” [ Laughter ]
-“This one first.” -Yeah. This girl — I mean,
this is like from high school. She was like —
like evil comment sections, like, but as a real person.
[ Laughter ] -And her — her commitment —
-Evil comments section, but as a real person, yeah.
-Yeah. Her level of commitment
to my pain was so thorough. -Oh, no.
-Like, I´d never met her. She was the best friend
of the girl that had dated a guy
I had dated previously. Like, it was that kind
of loose association, and she decided I had to,
like, die. And she showed up
at a pep rally. You know how you have
the a big pep rally right before Christmas break?
-Yeah. -So, I´m sitting there,
front row. You know, my little — my girlfriend´s, like,
you know, cheerleading. And this woman — She —
imagine The Predator… [ Laughter ] …shows up. And she´s like, “I´m gonna
whup your ass, bitch!” [ Laughter ] And everyone was, like, looking
around, like, “Who´s she?” ´Cause, you know, obviously
she didn´t go to my school. Everyone´s looking around like, “Somebody´s about to get
their ass kicked.” And, I´m like, “I know.
It´s gonna be crazy. I´m gonna watch, though.”
[ Laughter ] And I´m looking around like,
“Who is she –” -“Who´s she yelling at?”
-“Whose ass is she gonna kick?” And I — I was like,
“´Cause this is crazy.” And she´s like,
“Gabrielle Union! You! You!
I´m gonna kick your ass!” [ Laughter ]
And…”M-Me?” -Oh, my gosh. What?!
-Yeah. So, like, security
got her off — off — got her — got her out of —
out of school. And I immediately —
I´m shaking, like, I´ve had
a near-death experience. [ Laughter ]
And I call my older sister, who shows up at the school, and she´s like,
“I´ma fight her.” And I´m like, “No,
we´re not gonna wait around. No. We´ve got —
We´ve got to get home.” So, but, like —
I mean, it´s Friday the 13th. So you know like Jas–
you know “Friday the 13th”… -Yeah. -…1 through like 17 —
Jason pops up everywhere? So I´m at the — at the mall, shopping for a Christmas gift for my boyfriend
that she´s very upset about. And I´m coming down
the escalator with my mother. And she´s at the bottom
of the escalator with —
[ Laughter ] -That´s a horror movie in itself
called “The Escalator,” ´cause you have to run into her.
-Yes. -I´ve got to get down. No, no.
-It — It´s an escalator. -I thought I could outrun her. I try to turn around
and run back up the escalator. [ Laughter ] My mom was like,
“No, we´re gonna face this.” I´m like,
“You — You don´t understand.” So we get
to the bottom of the escalator, and she proceeds to say, “I´m going to whup your ass
in front of your mama!” [ Laughter ] And I am — I´m shaking. And my mom goes,
“I can´t believe you´d be afraid of a girl
with a bullet bra.” [ Laughter ] “What? Who care– Who cares?” -“Mom, Mom,
stop sticking up for me. Mom, stop.” Yeah.
-She´s trying to kill me. But, like, literally,
for the next six months… -She would just —
-…at the nail salon — -You would see her. -At my high-school games,
she would pop up like Jason and literally want to kill me and — and always sounded
like — like a WWE promo. [ Laughter ] Like, always with the,
“I´m gonna whup your ass! I told you the next time I saw
you, I was gonna whup your ass!” And I´m like, “You did say
you were gonna whup my ass. [Voice breaking]
You did say that!” [ Laughter ]
-Oh, my God! -So cut to — somebody was like,
“What´s her name? I´m gonna look her up
on Facebook.” And we´re shooting in — we shoot “Being Mary Jane”
in Atlanta. And guess where she lived. [ Audience oohs ] -She lives in Atlanta.
-Atlanta. -Oh, my goodness! -I was like,
“She´s going to find me,” ´cause, you guys, her level
of commitment was so thorough. I mean, she´s probably
in the audience right now. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Like, she´s gonna be like, “Aah! I told you,
the next time I saw you, I was gonna whup your ass,
bitch!” [ Laughter ]
Like…yeah. -Much deeper voice now.
-Very deep. Very deep. -You´ve moved yet again…
-Yeah. -…´cause your husband is —
is on a new team now. -New team.
-He´s on the Cavaliers. -Yes.
-And you´re moving to Cleveland. -We are in Cleveland. -You are in Cleveland right now.
-Yes. Nettie and Celie
have been reunited, and they are happy.
-I mean, come on. [ Cheers and applause ] -[ Laughs ]
-Yeah. -I´m psy–
-Thank you for that. -Yeah.
-Thank you. It´s a slow clap.
-Yeah, but — -“Nettie and —
Oh, they got each other! Yes!” [ Laughter ]
Thank you. Thank you. -The — Well,
I wanted to make sure that you had the — the — the
right welcome to Cleveland. -Oh.
-So to help us out, from one of his great Cleveland
restaurants, Mabel´s BBQ… -[ Gasps ]
-…here is Chef Michael Symon. Michael, come on!
[ Cheers and applause ] Yes! ♫♫ I love you, brother.
How you doing, brother? -Oh, my God!
-That´s what I´m talking about. Michael Symon, right there.
-You´ve done it! -I love you, buddy.
-How are you doing, buddy? -Everything great?
-Everything´s fantastic. -Yes.
-Thank you for doing this. -Oh, wait. A little
Cleveland beer for you. -Oh, my God. Oh, oh, okay. -I know we´re gonna need
more wine, but we´re also gonna need
more beer. -Okay.
-A Cleveland beer. Here we go. All right.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-Cheers to you. And doesn´t this
smell fantastic? -To Cleveland, Ohio.
-Oh my God, it smells so good. I wanted to make sure you and
Dwyane got some proper barbecue. So… -You called it last year
on your show. -[ Laughing ] I did. I did.
-You did call it? -And you were like, “You guys
are gonna end up in Cleveland.” I´m like, “Michael, come on.”
-Yes! [ Laughter ]
-And it happened. -And it happened.
-And I can´t wait — Let´s — Let´s start eating. -And you — And you know how
I feel about Polish sausages. -I know. We´ve got
a little bit — yeah, kielbasa. We got ribs — pork ribs.
-Oh! -We got beef ribs.
It´s all good. -Everyone is so jealous
right now. Cheers.
-Cheers. -I love you.
Have a great run. -Oh, my God. -Jimmy´s on a low-carb diet,
so… -Yeah, exactly.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Oh, it´s so good.
-Gabrielle Union! [ Cheers and applause ] Go get her book,
“We´re Going to Need More Wine,” available October 17th. We´ll be right back with music
from Wu-Tang Clan! Chef Michael Symon! [ Cheers and applause ]