David Spade Used to Get Bullied a Lot (feat. Adam Devine) – Lights Out with David Spade

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A bar
in St. Louis is offering patrons an all-you-can-drink for
one hour for just ten dollars. I don’t know if this sounds fun,
dangerous or other. I mean, could you imagine the conversations in that bar? -Just, “Bro, bro,
bro, bro, bro.” -(laughter) “Bro, Bro, Bro, Bro.”
Everyone’s named Chad. “Bro, Bro, Bro, Bro, Bro,
Bro, Bro.” -And all the girls, like…
-Yeah, you say, “Chad,” -35 people turn around.
-Yeah. And all the girls like…
(mutters nasally gibberish) -(laughter)
-SPADE: Exactly. That’s every… I used to go
to one in Arizona, and it was… One night, at a devil house… There was a devil house
that we called “The Butt Hut.” And, uh… not anymore. And, uh… and then, uh,
there was this other place, but they had… It was quarter beer night. And so, the worst part was,
you give ’em a dollar, and he’s like,
“Do I get to keep it?” But I go,
“I’ll take three beers, and then, uh, you can keep
the rest for yourself.” Yeah. -SHIPP: Oh, no. High roller.
-‘Cause that’s… But they also…
They did a thing where they would have it
quarter beer until someone went
to the bathroom, and then… -Oh, really? -And then, whoever
went was the biggest loser. -Yeah. -Ooh. -‘Cause everyone
would go, “You ruined it!” Yeah. And then we’d assault him
in the parking lot! -Yeah.
-SPADE: Yeah. -ASU!
-Seems like that kind of place. -Yeah, that was our college.
-Yeah? I was in a fraternity, so,
you know, we beat up people. -Yeah.
-No, I got beat up a lot, ’cause I was hazed.
-SHIPP: Yeah. -DeVINE: Were you? -Yeah, and I…
-What was that like? -Yeah. -Arizona State. -Yeah, you went
to ASU. -I can see people picking on you
with your size and hair. (laughter) I’m just a pick-on-me machine.
My God. They won’t… They were hazing me. Other
fraternities were hazing me. I’m like, “You can’t do it.” Uh…
Yes, you were saying something. They go hard in Arizona.
I’m from Phoenix, -and they… they go hard.
-SPADE: You are? Yeah, they haze in high school
and stuff, too. They’ll throw pennies
at freshmen. They took my money
every day at school… -SHIPP: Yeah. I would.
…when I was in eighth grade. And then I go, uh… All up
to eighth grade, and they go… They just walk up, and I…
They go, “Hey, man.” And I go, “No, no, here you go.
What do you want– small bills?” You never put up a fight.
Well, I got little ching-ching. Ching-ching, ching-ching. Um… I hope they bring this drinking
thing over into other places. Like, I want
an all-you-can-smoke place. That’s for sure. I’m down to put a couple
of weed places out of business. (laughter) All right, speaking of stoners–
you– um, Adidas just launched a line
of clothes and shoes exclusively for gardening, and
they say it’s “horti-couture.” -(bleep) you, idiot.
-DeVINE: Yeah. yeah. Horti-couture. And, uh, my gardener’s already
sponsored by Nike, so he can’t do it, but, uh… It’s like,
if this is streetwear, your street is a cul-de-sac. I’m not gonna let y’all
talk trash about this. This is fire to me.
I have… I, for one… I’m excited
for the Tim Allen collection. -The ultimate normcore.
-Yeah. Yeah, but I have to say that the
girl in this ad is exceptional. She is not only beautiful,
but she’s giving, like, profile side-face leaf blower? Liz, can we go wider
on this picture? -DeVINE: Hot mom.
-LIZ: No. -Oh.
-Oh. -Go (bleep) me.
-We don’t have the technology. Well, let’s picture
this pretty girl over here. -Yeah. -Uh, yeah. -I think
this is the type of ad we need. Would it be less like LeBron,
Michael Jordan. That’s not reasonable. This is
what you can actually become. -SPADE: That’s true.
-(laughter) -This is attainable.
-Yeah. This is highly attainable.
Just mow the lawn, get drunk, take a nap. -(laughter)
-SHIPP: Yeah. Like, show the kid from the… You know that kid–
Tim Chamalama-ding-dong? What’s he…? Chamalama? -Chalamet. -Yeah.
-Yeah. He was wearing this
to a premiere. So here’s… Rich people. You wear the work thing
to the nice thing. -Mm-hmm.
-And then, when you go -to garden, you dress up.
-SHIPP: Yeah. Again, this is fire.
You guys are wrong. -That’s a great outfit.
-SPADE: Yeah, I know. Like he just straight-up
walked out of 101 Dalmatians! (laughter) I can tell he’s a painter.
He’s not a good one. All right, uh, Liz,
can we go wider on this? -LIZ: No.
-Goddamn. (indistinct chatter) (bleep) low blow. -In theatres.
-Uh, all right. Miley Cyrus started dating Australian musician
Cody Simpson, and, uh,
Bieber left an Instagram comment asking if he wanted to go on a double date with him,
uh, and Hailey Baldwin. Is that them? -Oh, are they on a date there?
-SHIPP: No. Don’t blame me.
I’m not gonna ask -if we can go tighter on that.
-Oh, I thought… This looks like a picture from
the Sesame Street opioid thing. -(laughter)
-Yeah. -Born addicted. Yeah,
that’s their new characters. He got married, so if you… Doubling already.
Is it… Is it…? Yeah, it’s a sad…
It’s not going well. -SPADE: Is it really?
-I need to get out of the house. Two weeks in?
But they seem pretty stoked. They seem fun.
She always dates Australian. I think she’s trying
to burn the Australian guy. -DeVINE: Yeah, she might be.
-SHIPP: Oh. You know what?
That’s a good angle. I think
it’s actually very positive -for their relationship, though.
-SPADE: Okay. ‘Cause Justin was known
as a real party boy, a playboy. He would cheat on people,
and it’s… And that’s a lesson for anyone
in a relationship. Don’t cheat. Just get together
on a double date, go to that bar in St. Louis
where you can drink too much -(laughter)
-and… hope for the best. -(applause)
-And switch partners. That is a real lesson. Actually, uh,
he’s got these shoes on. -Can we go to that picture?
-(laughter) Look at these Hovershoes. -Are those Crocs?
-That’s the meth dealer -from The Jetsons right there.
-(laughter)