Bully (PlayStation 2) James & Mike Mondays


>>JAMES: All right, so today we are playing “Bully”. I have been wanting to play this for a while. You can hold the game up there. Um… I love how we’re both wearing gray shirts today.>>MIKE: You are looking at two guys that have gray shirts on, and you’re looking at two guys that have beaten Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins.>>JAMES: Oh yeah, there ya go.>>MIKE: How ’bout that? Oh, you never thought you could do it.>>MIKE: Well, today we’re actually not playing an NES game, we’re playing a Playstation 2 game for once. Now, this is made by Rockstar.>>JAMES: Yeah, and uh… I’ve always been interested in this, um… I imagine it’s similar to Grand Theft Auto, except that it’s on a schoolyard, um… a university, I believe.>>MIKE: It’s like a frat boy version of Grand Theft Auto.>>JAMES: Yeah, I mean, it sounds like it’d be a lot of fun, let’s check it out.>>MIKE: Yeah, we’re not super familiar with this game, just so you guys know.>>JAMES: Exactly.>>MIKE: So we’re just gonna fuck around and see what happens.>>JAMES: Neither one of us have played this before, this is our first time ever playing it, so… better late than never, with everything.>>MIKE: Let’s do it.>>MIKE: All right, so we’ve played the game for a few minutes here, I started off, I met the principal, and I just wanted to mess around a little bit to see exactly how the game works, and it works a lot like Grand Theft Auto, in that there’ll be like a checkpoint on the radar, and then you go to it, and then something happens, you gotta complete some kind of objective. So right now, uh, there’s a little X on here, and let’s see what it wants me to do, I guess it wants me to go up to this and read the bulletin board. [reads note]>>JAMES: So, what I was curious about this game is, if you are the bully, if you’re trying not to be bullied, or if the object is to bully others.>>MIKE: I don’t know.>>MIKE: Look, look, look at this!>>JAMES: His pants are up… [both laughing]>>MIKE: Now I know automatically why people like this game. Wait, why can I not punch this person? There we go.>>JAMES: You’re an asshole!>>MIKE: Oh, I’m the worst!>>MIKE: Oh, okay, so now, see the radars are on? So they’re coming after me. Shit, they’re all running. Ok, I gotta go. I guess by going inside here, though, that probably resets it, so now they’re probably not gonna be chasing me anymore? Yeah. See? They’re not chasing me.>>GARY: You just arrived at the toughest school in the country, and I’m offering to be your friend. Trust me! In a place like this, you’re gonna need friends. So it’s up to you. You gonna play nice, or what?>>JIMMY: Yeah, for sure.>>MIKE: This kid looks like the biggest piece of shit, the one that we are.>>JAMES: Yeah I know, I think they all look like pieces of shit.>>MIKE: That’s true, they do.>>JAMES: I don’t think there’s any good guys in this game, what do you think?>>MIKE: Oh, here we go, so now that I talked to him, it says, “Get a drink from the soda machine.” Ok, so this is the soda machine. Let’s buy a drink. All right.>>GARY: You should probably change into your uniform if you don’t want to get in trouble.>>MIKE: Ok there we go, there’s the next checkpoint. Get out of my way, fat kid!>>CHARACTER: Skinny doofus!>>MIKE: All right, here we go.>>JAMES: Is that it?>>MIKE: I guess there’s not a lot.>>JAMES: Sure, that’ll do.>>MIKE: Okay.>>MIKE: So now there’s another star on the map, I guess I can go to that. On the radar, you see it up there? I have to fight this dude?>>JAMES: Well, it says to apologize. You could be like, “Oh I’m sorry man”.>>JIMMY: What’d I do? Sorry!>>NORTHROP: Time to pay your Russell Tax!>>JAMES: To pay him? Ok. I mean, is fighting an option?>>JIMMY: Please let me off the hook!>>RUSSELL: Huh huh, stupid… you don’t know what pain is! Next time you give more, doofus!>>JAMES: What happened to her? [reads] “Socializing with people is a good way to find out what they want.” All right.>>GIRL: [crying] He took my chocolate! Please get it back!>>JAMES: Okay, so you gotta get chocolates. All right.>>JAMES: [laughs] You’re going in the bathroom!>>MIKE: I just want to see. Oh, should I not be in here?>>JAMES: You’re in the, uh, women’s restroom.>>MIKE: Wait, hang on though…>>JAMES: Oh, you can relieve yourself?>>MIKE: I got something to take care of real quick.>>JAMES: Whoa! Nerds fighting! I love that they actually have a nerd uniform that’s like, everybody has if you’re a nerd.>>MIKE: Well I mean, that’s the stereotypical nerd uniform.>>JAMES: But like, when would you ever see like 20 people all walking around in school, like, all wearing white shirts and pocket protectors?>>MIKE: I don’t know if we ever even had that discussion, but like, when… the first time you put on that outfit for the Jekyll video, you probably just subconsciously had in the back of your head, like, “The Revenge of the Nerds”, classic nerd…>>JAMES: Yeah, well that’s what I was doing, that’s confirmed, but I thought you were talking about how, you were gonna say, the first time you saw it, you didn’t know that it was intentional…>>MIKE: Yeah well, that’s true. Yeah, I was watching it, and I was like… because I didn’t remember… which was weird because you know, you usually don’t dress like that, even back then you didn’t, you would put on like a fucking Black Sabbath t-shirt or something. And then I watched the video and, I don’t know why I thought that, but you had the white shirt on, and I’m just watching you talk about this video game, and I’m like, “Oh God…”>>JAMES: You just watched the video, you didn’t think about it.>>MIKE: Yeah, I’m like “Oh God, my friend is such a dork.” [both laughing]>>MIKE: That’s what I thought when I watched it!>>JAMES: Yeah. That was the idea!>>MIKE: Yeah well, it worked. [laughs] Wait, what am I doing here? Fuck you, dude. All right, let’s get serious. [laughs] This kid’s fucked.>>JAMES: Damn. All right, I think you got the chocolates…>>MIKE: [laughing] I’m gonna kick his fucking skull in. Is he dead? Not yet? [laughs] Oh look at this, he’s grabbing his crotch. He’s like, “Ohh, my balls!”>>JAMES: Oh, that’s terrible.>>MIKE: Unh! Another one for good measure. Don’t fuck with me, you little piece of shit. [both laughing]>>MIKE: Oh God, here they come…>>JAMES: Oh, there’s me!>>MIKE: Wait wait wait, here comes the fucking… Oh shit, oh shit. I don’t want to get caught. Okay, he turned the corner, okay. I’m gonna give this girl her box of fucking chocolates. Because she couldn’t apparently get it for herself.>>JAMES: Well, that asshole dude stole it from her.>>MIKE: Oh fuck, it’s the… hang on… It’s the prefect.>>JAMES: The guy who’s turning the corner there?>>MIKE: Yeah, I don’t want to get caught.>>JAMES: Well there you go, all you gotta do is… [trails off]>>MIKE: Here we go, here we go.>>BIG GIRL: Thanks! Um, wanna make out?>>MIKE: Ugh.>>JAMES: Yeah, totally!>>MIKE: What!? Are you fucking kidding me!?>>JAMES: Well, I didn’t see that coming.>>JIMMY: Sheesh!>>BIG GIRL: Oh, thank you Jimmy!>>MIKE: [imitating] “Huhh huhh, thanks Jimmy!” Why did he bother to get her the chocolates?>>JAMES: Well, I was gonna ask, before that happened, I was gonna be like, what’s she gonna give you for this?>>MIKE: A blowjob. [laughs]>>JAMES: Okay, not to reference Zelda again, but every time when you bring something to somebody, like, “Bring the letter to the old woman” or something, then you know, you get something?>>MIKE: Sure. Oh, she’s following me. This just seems like a bad situation, I should not have given her the chocolate. Oh fuck, am I gonna get caught? The guy just like yelled at me, I don’t know.>>STUDENT: You’re gonna fail!>>MIKE: Fuck you. YOU’RE gonna fail. [both laughing] All right, let’s see this.>>GARY: They’re actually sneaky bastards. Their turf is the library. And those are the preps. They’re all money and condescending attitude.>>JIMMY: Yeah, massively inbred, and completely brainless.>>GARY: Very observant, Jimmy boy. Now over there are the greasers.>>MIKE: The Fonz.>>JAMES: Nice.>>JIMMY: … or at least try to look tough. Wouldn’t advise messing with ’em. At least not yet.>>JAMES: I didn’t think this game would be dated to that time, you know?>>GARY: … the jocks. These guys rule the school.>>MIKE: This is probably supposed to be like the 80s though, right?>>JAMES: Yeah, like, I don’t know… How long was “greasers” a thing?>>MIKE: They were still around in the 80s.>>PREFECT: You’re here to learn, not to goof off. Get to class!>>MIKE: I don’t know, maybe it’s earlier though. I’m not sure when it’s supposed to take place.>>JAMES: The game?>>MIKE: Yeah.>>TEACHER: Take care to follow my instructions precisely, as we will be working with volatile chemicals today.>>JAMES: Whoa!>>TEACHER: Keep your mind on what you’re doing!>>MIKE: I didn’t even realize what… okay, here we go. C’mon… oh, I see.>>TEACHER: Good work! You have a future!>>MIKE: There we go.>>TEACHER: Nice work today…>>MIKE: [imitates music] All right, so I passed chemistry class. Because I did “Rock Band”.>>JAMES: Yeah.>>MIKE: Okay, L1 or R1 to scroll through my weapons? Oh, nice! Oh shit, I didn’t mean to do it!>>JAMES: Oh boy… oh boy…>>MIKE: Did I just kill her?>>BOTH: Oooohhhhhhh! [laughing]>>MIKE: I gotta get the fuck out of here!>>JAMES: Wow! Wow!>>MIKE: I just threw it into his face!>>JAMES: You threw fucking dynamite right in the hallway!>>MIKE: I threw it right in that guy’s face, the fucking guard! They’ll beat me. Prefect: The more you make me run, the harder I’m going to beat you when I catch you!>>JAMES: I like that! “The harder you make me run, the harder I’m gonna beat you when I catch you!” Oh! The nerd! The nerd just came out of..>>MIKE: Beat the shit out of him!>>JAMES: How do you punch? Prefect: The law always wins!>>PRINCIPAL: There will be no more complaints about you from our staff. Do I make myself clear? This is your only warning. Don’t mess up again! And I want you to stay out of trouble from now on! DAVIS: Hey! I saw you sucking up to Crabble snitch.>>JIMMY: What!? Shut up!>>DAVIS: Screw you, new kid! This is what we do to teachers’ pets around here!>>JAMES: Oh, Jeez! [both laugh]>>JAMES: Everybody’s such an asshole! Run! Oh boy… I mean, this pretty much the X here.>>BULLY: Your jaw’s gonna be wired shut, kid!>>MIKE: I guess they want you to take these guys out?>>JAMES: I guess so.>>JAMES: Look, it’s “Revenge of the Nerds”!>>MIKE: These nerds are pissed.>>MIKE: Fuck him up!>>JAMES: I don’t know about this…>>MIKE: Come on, you got him, come on, take out the next one. Good! Take out another one! There’s a bottle of Coke or something too, it’s probably health.>>JAMES: I don’t know if I can get to it. Got it.>>MIKE: Good. Yeah, I think that was health. Good, good, good.>>JAMES: Pick up weapon? What weapon?>>MIKE: Just hit the, uh… I think there’s… shining on the ground…>>JAMES: There we go.>>MIKE: And then hit L1, and then R1. There you go, just keep doing it. There you go. Fucked him up! It’s funny that they thought to make, like, they already had the engine for Grand Theft Auto. What was out around this time? Vice City or San Andreas, I guess?>>JAMES: 2006, so San Andreas would be out by then. I think so.>>MIKE: So they decided to just go ahead and use that engine and make, you know? … a college version of the game, that’s interesting.>>JAMES: So, I can go to class, or I can go to that X.>>MIKE: Go to whatever you want.>>JAMES: Well they’re both near each other…>>MIKE: You’re like, “Fuck going to class, I’m going to the X!” JAMES: “Yeah, fuck school, man!” “Shit, you’re not my Dad!”>>GARY: Hey! See if you can knock out the windows on that bus! I want to see your long-range skills.>>JAMES: Never up to any good.>>BOTH: Yeah!>>MIKE: Fuck that old school bus up.>>GARY: Come on! Let’s go down to the football field.>>MIKE: Yeah, now go to the football field.>>JAMES: What about the bus though?>>MIKE: No, he wants you to go to the football field.>>JAMES: Where’s he at?>>MIKE: The blue dot.>>MIKE: So you’re probably gonna go down the football field and shoot the cheerleaders with the slingshot.>>JAMES: How much trouble could we get into?>>MIKE: A lot. This is a whole game of getting into trouble.>>JAMES: Wait, why are they after me? I did… Do they know that I smashed the windows?>>MIKE: “Why are they after me”? Why do you think they’re after you?>>JAMES: Oh that’s right… I just broke some windows. [both laughing]>>MIKE: There you go. Football field. What are you gonna do here?>>JAMES: What do you want from me? I didn’t do anything! Oh yeah, that’s right…>>MIKE: Go hide in the tree and mess with ’em!>>JAMES: Okay.>>MIKE: [imitating] “Go hide in the tree and mess with them! Heh heh heh heh!”>>JAMES: I guess this is it. Go hide in the tree, you’re like a fucking peeping Tom now. Look at this!>>JAMES: He’s a peeping Tom!>>MIKE: What are you doing? Why are you doing this? You’re an asshole. Are you gonna shoot the fucking football players?>>JAMES: Oh, this is great! Hang on, how do I do this?>>BOTH: Oohhhhh!>>MIKE: Oh, they’re gonna be pissed.>>BOTH: Ohhh!!>>COACH: Why are you stopping, you pansy?>>MIKE: Get that guy, standing up doing jumping jacks.>>JAMES: Ohhh! Wait, he didn’t go down.>>MIKE: Give ’em all concussions. [laughing]>>JAMES: Well they got the helmets on, I mean, they have the proper padding to take this.>>MIKE: Sure.>>JAMES: So that means extra slingshots for you.>>MIKE: Ha! You got him right in the face!>>JAMES: Yeah! [both laughing]>>MIKE: He’s got a lot of rocks, too.>>JAMES: How’s this for a touchdown, motherfucker?>>MIKE: Touch the floor, motherfucker.>>MIKE: Look at all the… wait, go and look at your prey down there.>>JAMES: Look at your work. That was a fine job.>>BOTH: Oh!!>>MIKE: Is that the coach? Oh, this dude’s pissed. Oh, you don’t fuck with this dude. Fuck him up! Piece of shit! Yeah! Kick him! Kick him while he’s down! Drink your soda.>>JAMES: Point blank! [both laughing]>>MIKE: Fuck him up! These jocks are pretty tough.>>JAMES: Oh man, she’s fighting me too!>>MIKE: Maybe you better get out of there!>>JAMES: No…>>MIKE: You’re gonna beat the teacher? Get her with the slingshot! [laughing] Oh God, now you gotta beat up the whole football team! What have you gotten yourself into? James, James, James…>>JAMES: That’s his name. Oh, what is that, a Frisbee or something? Oh!>>MIKE: [laughs] You tossed a Frisbee at him! Uh-oh. Come on, fuck him up. Yeah! Come on, get him, get him! Yes! Kick him while he’s down! [both laughing]>>MIKE: Can you shoot him when he… oh, fuck.>>JAMES: Ohhh. That was a good run.>>MIKE: Well you fucked up like the whole football team.>>JAMES: Yeah I mean, you gotta give me credit for fighting the whole football team.>>MIKE: What’s gonna happen to you now? Nothing!>>JAMES: You just start… just a minor setback.>>MIKE: [in silly voice] “Just a minor setback! Heh heh heh heh!”>>JAMES: Let’s go fuck ’em up more. By the way, as I’m looking at the cover here, I really love this seal that they have on the front, it’s pretty cool.>>MIKE: I remember that from back in the day. Classic.>>Algie: So, you’re the new kid, huh? Everyone’s talking about you!>>Jimmy: Oh, are they? And what are they saying?>>Algie: Nothing… just that you’re friends with that sociopath Gary.>>Jimmy: Socio-what?>>Algie: “Sociopath”. It means.. never mind. Forget I said anything. I need you to help me.>>Jimmy: Wait… you need ME to help YOU?>>Algie: I’ve got some library books that need to be returned, but I’m too scared to go to my locker.>>Jimmy: Do I look like a librarian?>>Algie: No, listen… I need your help. Pretend we’re friends! Walk with me! I’ll pay! I’ll pay you two bucks!>>Jimmy: Two bucks, are you crazy? Make it five.>>Algie: … no, two bucks…?>>Jimmy: Great, five bucks. Let’s go, buddy.>>Algie: My mommy said that lots of kids pee in their bed, and it’s totally normal.>>MIKE: This kid pees in his bed.>>MIKE: Why am I getting chased down?>>MIKE: Are these the guys that look like the Angry Video Game Nerd?>>JAMES: Yeah, they do. You like beating me up, don’t you?>>MIKE: This is my payback for all those times you had me in a rabbit suit.>>JAMES: Yeah. [laughs]>>MIKE: It’s James beating up James!>>ALGERNON: Can we find a washroom?>>MIKE: Oh, so this guy’s gonna pee himself.>>JAMES: Okay, take him to the bathroom. Escort him to the restroom.>>MIKE: Let’s see if I can find a restroom.>>JAMES: Can you believe you’re playing a game where you have to take somebody to a bathroom?>>MIKE: I gotta take a dweeb to the potty.>>NERD: I already wet myself once this month!>>JAMES: The yellow arrow, or…? Yeah, you’re right. Yellow arrow.>>MIKE: I gotta avoid these fucking people though. Damn it!>>JAMES: Ooh, good work. It’s the women’s room, but, oh well. That’s where the arrow took you.>>MIKE: Yeah, isn’t that where I’m supposed to be?>>JAMES: I guess run back out? Try to see…>>MIKE: God damn it.>>MIKE: I want to see… what do you think happens?>>JAMES: My guess would have been, since it was taking you to the ladies room, that it would probably have something, like when you get there, he’d be like “Oh, I don’t want to go here, it’s the ladies room” or something, then something would happen, and then maybe you’d get caught, and then the guy would run after you… it would start some new mission, I don’t know. Just a guess.>>MIKE: Yeah, you’re probably right. I kinda want to do it, though.>>JAMES: Yeah, I know.>>MIKE: You know what I don’t like? I don’t like how the walls block where you’re supposed to go.>>JAMES: There’s too many walls, yeah. Oh look, what was going on there!?>>MIKE: He just threw acid in her face or something.>>JAMES: What!?>>JAMES: She’s gonna go away and then become the Phantom of the Opera.>>MIKE: Wait, did I do that? I think I might have done that. I mean look, I have this bottle in my hand.>>JAMES: Oh, you’re right. It looked like HE threw it, though.>>MIKE: Take that, you fucking asshole.>>JAMES: Maybe my eyes are playing tricks on me.>>JAMES: Oh yeah! Oh!>>MIKE: I’ve had enough of these guys.>>JAMES: Throw the bottle. Violence against an authority…>>MIKE: Hopefully that ends it. They might come after me now.>>JAMES: Good idea, though.>>MIKE: It did end it. I think if you go in this building, it always ends it.>>TEACHER: The curriculum demands that you do these vocabulary assignments.>>MIKE: Why would they put this in the game? This is like actually being in school.>>JAMES: “Mellow.”>>JAMES: “Mole.” M-O-L-E.>>MIKE: Oh, thanks. MIKE: The thing is, we have to get them all, and there’s fucking a lot.>>JAMES: I think you have to do a certain amount. It might not be all.>>JAMES: “Elm”!>>MIKE: I don’t know.>>JAMES: Well, we did pretty good.>>TEACHER: You are the making of a poet laureate, James.>>MIKE: [imitates music]>>JAMES: We really had to rack our brains on that one.>>MIKE: It’s a little different than what I thought the game was. I thought it was more beating people up. I mean, you do, but I thought it was a little more… I don’t know… I guess it’s not too different. It’s this fucking thing, actually.>>NERD: I’ve been thinking a lot about snails recently. They’re slimy! [both laughing]>>JAMES: [imitating] “I’ve been thinking a lot about snails recently. They’re slimy!” Is this guy following me, or what?>>MIKE: The ones with the red things above their heads. So, beat them up.>>JAMES: I would throw the thing, but the dude’s like… how do you throw it, anyway?>>MIKE: It’s the R1, to throw. I think he’s done. You gotta hurry. Just go to the bathroom, though.>>JAMES: Yeah, the bathroom… it’s near the… oh, I thought it was circle. Oh, it is, yeah. I’m just taking a different path.>>MIKE: Yeah, that’s fine. Look around the bathroom and see, like… Oh, it’s above!>>JAMES: What’s above?>>MIKE: We’re fucking stupid.>>JAMES: Oh, it’s the other floor!>>MIKE: Yeah, the arrow… I don’t know why we didn’t think of that. Yeah that was the confusing thing, was that the arrow was … The bathroom’s in the same spot, but it’s the floor above.>>JAMES: If you’re on the floor, it has a star. Now I know that. All right, here we go.>>MIKE: Find wherever the thing is in the bathroom.>>Algie: Cover me! I’m going in!>>Algie: Hey! Were there two people in one stall?>>JAMES: [laughing] Wow!>>MIKE: Watch out, there’s dudes. Beat them up.>>JAMES: Do you realize what just happened in that stall?>>MIKE: What was going on in that stall? They were in there together?>>JAMES: Yup!>>MIKE: What, they were fucking?>>JAMES: Yeah. [laughs]>>MIKE: Maybe it was a drug deal or something.>>JAMES: Yeah, I mean, it could be implying…>>MIKE: As if the bathroom wasn’t stinky enough, you gotta light a stink bomb. You gotta go to the next thing.>>JAMES: I know, I was just seeing if he had something to say.>>MIKE: Watch out for the red dot. Right there? Turn around? Watch out for the…>>JAMES: Yeah, but I’m there.>>Algie: Here it is! Thanks Jimmy! Here’s the cash. I’ll tell my mom that not everyone at Bullworth is mean!>>MIKE: Earned some respect from the nerds.>>JAMES: So that was Bully. I really enjoyed it. What did you think?>>MIKE: I liked it too, actually. I was concerned that the game was going to be very dated going into it, but I think the gameplay holds strong enough over the years. It’s similar to a Grand Theft Auto game. I do feel a little bit like, if I’m gonna play one of those Rockstar games though, why wouldn’t I just play Grand Theft Auto? Because it leaves a little to be desired. Like, okay, you can punch and kick people and stuff, but at a certain point, I feel like you want more than that. For example, I was really excited when we got the dynamite, and we got to throw that, I feel like, I want to have all the shit that you can do in Grand Theft Auto. This seems like a tamed-down Grand Theft Auto. It’s funny, though. The game has a sense of humor to it. You know, with the nerds and the jocks and all that. I don’t know, it’s enjoyable, it’s pretty fun.>>JAMES: Yeah, I like how it takes an idea that could be kind of boring, it takes place at a school, or an academy, or something very ordinary, but they make a whole game out of it. I like the setting, I think it’s unique. I like how they have all the characters dressed in all the right uniforms, like they have the stereotypical nerds with the white shirts, they have the jocks with the sports sweaters and everything, and then the dumbasses sitting on the couch playing the game wearing gray.>>MIKE: Right. I like that it’s a little bit adult, too. It’s not just… it’s got a sense of humor to it, like there’s bad things happening that you’re doing, they say things that are kind of mean-spirited, you know?>>JAMES: You could help people out in it, but you could also be an asshole.>>MIKE: Yeah. Well, I guess the game’s called “Bully”, so… you can be a bully.>>JAMES: You can be a bully, or you can fight the bullies.>>MIKE: It’s fun. I would say, even at this point, it’s worth going back and messing around with.>>JAMES: Yeah, I really liked it.