КУНГ ФУ ПРОТИВ ГОПНИКОВ (анимация)


Ahh, these 90s. Era of stickers, 8-bit consoles & pirated VHS. Do you remember your first impressions of kung fu movies? Being a snotty youth, I grabbed mother’s mop and it started. Doing this, I often closed my eyes and
imagined myself like this. But in fact, it looked like this. I’m sure mom saw my “epileptics” but she perceived it as something cute. Honey, you’re such a sweetheart ♥ 10 minutes later, I felt myself a great master. The law of the Universe says: “Gaining new knowledge, you passionately want to share it”. And I realized… I need a disciple! My dude Bula became it. OK, stay like this:
hand here, leg here… Good. Now imagine that you punch me like that… – Nobody punches like that.
– Hey! Keep your hand up. In real fight, nobody will stand outstretched like tha… Owesome. We immediately began to study kung fu techniques. And trained a lot. As time went by, we felt that we’re ready to test ourselves. We had to wait because we
never used typical bully methods. Hey, yo. Got a cigarette? Ah, nope. Sorry, I don’t smoke. Wha?!!
What did you call me? What? No, no…I didn’t say anything… Indeed. We had nothing with bullies. The opposite! We wanted to be heroes.
So we were looking for a suitable situation :3 I literally dreamed about great feat,
which I’ll tell my friends about. C’mon babe. Don’t be pussy. You’ll like this… No! Please! Don’t do this! Hey! Let her go. Who the hell are you?
Tired of living or what? I say things once. Take this, you bastards! Bula, my friend, you are almost on time. Not so long we had to look for bad guys. They found us themselves. And I realized this when Bula has been already spotted. Are you deaf? Money or we’ll put you next to your boyfriend! Bula… You bastards!
I have to take revenge, but … I’m scared. Calm down! Off with the fear. Fear – is just a myth. Fear doesn’t exist. I just need an inner peace. Turn brain off and give vent to instincts. My brain was switched off but the instincts did not get it. That day I realized two things: Firstly, вeing beat together strengthen the friendship And secondly, Kung fu – is hardly the best alternative
in scope of street self-defense practice. Even if you are a Shaolin monk in the 7th generation, you can’t just block all attacks in advance grimacing & changing poses one freakier another. I understood that in the Chinese action movies
I see a pre-learned dance which has nothing with actual self-defense. Then I found out that “kung fu” literally means “mastery” and it’s applicable to any activity even unrelated to martial arts. As it turned out, I’m a real kung fu master
in nail cutting with clippers. When my old brother found out my story,
he signed me up for boxing. There I mastered the technique of
self-defense that really works but that’s a story for another day. By the way, have you ever wondered
why are they called boxing “gloves”? These are mittens! – Who are you talking to, idiot?
– With no one, trainer. – Get out of here!
– I’m sorry, sir. – 30 push ups!
– Yes, sir. – No hands!
– What? – NOW!
– Yes, sir. Thank you for watching! Does anyone even watch my videos
with English subtitles?=_=